I haven’t thought of that, but it might help. “I could try that.”
“Okay, this is what we’re gonna do. You try that for a few appointments, and if you’re still not happy, we’ll find you another psychologist. From what I know, it can take a few times to get a good feel for each other, so hang in there for a bit.”
It’s at this point I admit to myself it’s probably not so much the psychologist I don’t like, but rather the whole process. Deep down, I knew this, but didn’t want to acknowledge it. King’s going to ensure I keep facing it. I’m not sure whether to love him for that or hold it against him. But I say, “Thank you,” because at least I know he cares. And while I might be trying to avoid everything, the one thing I am aware of is that I need people who care.
Mum joins us, coming to stand next to me. Sliding her hand across my shoulders, she says softly, “I’ll come with you if you want me to.”
I don’t know what it is, but I think it’s the emotion I hear in her voice that does it; my tears fall. I can’t hold them back any longer. Gulping them down, or at least, trying to, I nod and manage to say, “I’d like that, if you aren’t in too much pain.”
King stands and moves around the table faster than I can take in. He reaches for Meredith and leaves Mum and I alone. She pulls me into a hug. “I’m never in too much pain to help you, Zara. I hope you know that.”
We hug for a few minutes, at which point I let her go and say, “I do know that, but you haven’t been well, Mum. I don’t want you to do stuff if you’re in pain and unwell.”
She wipes my tears. “It’s what mothers do.”
“Yeah, I know, but…” My voice trails off because there really is no point in trying to talk her out of this. I know she’ll turn up to all of my appointments whether she’s well or near death’s door.
“Good, that’s settled. When’
s your next appointment?”
“Next Tuesday.” I had planned on cancelling it, but I won’t now. I’ll honour my agreement with King.
Her voice drops to a hush. “Did you mention the abortion to her?”
The ever-present shame I feel over this floods me. “No.”
“Oh, Zara. Baby, you have to talk about this with someone, and since you’ve shut down on me and Holly—”
“I’m not ready, Mum.” My voice is harsher than I mean it to be. “Please don’t force me into this. It’s enough to be bringing up the mugging and dealing with that.” I am far from ready to face what I did to my baby.
I’m saved from this conversation when Cade runs into the kitchen and yells, “Mama! I want dinner!”
He runs smack bang into her leg and she scoops him up. I see her wince as she does this. “Where’s Daddy, Cade?”
“I’m here,” King rumbles, joining us again. “I’ll get the barbeque going.”
Mum turns to him. “I thought we could invite Fury to eat with us.”
King nods. “Yeah.” He eyes me. “Can you go and get him?”
God, this is the last thing I want to do, but the only answer King is looking for is a yes, so I nod. “Yeah.”
Mum and King move into action, getting dinner underway. He heads outside while she pulls sausages and steaks from the fridge. I make my way out to the front to find Fury, dragging my feet in a delaying tactic that’s not actually going to achieve anything.
I find him standing at the end of the driveway looking intently down the street at something. He’s so focussed on whatever it is that he doesn’t hear my approach until I’ve almost reached him. Without turning to me, he says, “You leaving now?”
“What are you watching? It must be something interesting because you didn’t even hear me come out.”
He looks at me. “I heard you the moment you stepped foot on the front veranda.” Oh. It seems there’s a good reason why King put him on this job of watching me.
I move closer and narrow my eyes down the road to take a look at whatever had his attention. When I find nothing, I look back at him. “There’s nothing there.”
“There was.”
“What?”
“Nothing that would harm you.”