BIRDIE
“You what?” Cleo asked, coming to a complete stop to stare at me in shock, dropping the foam rollers that were precariously balanced in her arms.
We were at work, in the middle of preparing for our first Pilates class early Monday morning, the day after I’d kissed Winter. The day after I’d lost my damn mind.
I bent and helped her pick up the rollers. “God, I know. It wasn’t my finest moment. I don’t know what came over me.”
“Oh, I do. Winter Morrison came over you.”
He did. But she didn’t know the worst of it. So far, I’d only told her we’d kissed, not that I initiated one of those kisses. “Umm, so I was the one who kissed him. He gave me the opportunity to say no, to say I felt nothing, and instead of telling him that, I kissed him.”
She blinked in the way she did when someone had completely stunned her. It didn’t happen often with Cleo; not much left her speechless, but this news did.
She walked to the corner of the room and placed the rollers down. “Tell me everything so that we can put a game plan in place to deal with this detour.” Stopping abruptly, she narrowed her eyes at me. “Wait, unless this is what you want. Do you want Winter back?”
That was the kind of question that had a million parts to the answer. And that answer was destined to cause more heartbreak.
I met Cleo’s eyes, regret in mine. “You know the answer to that.”
Cleo was the only person besides my mother who knew the full details of what had gone down between Winter and me. I knew it wasn’t fair to Winter to keep any of it from him, but I did it in an attempt to preserve some of his heart. And so when I couldn’t share my secrets with him, I’d turned to my best friend.
She contemplated that. “I know that in the past five years you haven’t found a man who even came close to Winter. I mean, sure, you’ve met some guys worth knowing, but Birdie, not one of them held the kind of spark for you that Winter does. He’s been back in your life for a second and you’re already kissing him.” Her voice softened. “Do you think maybe it’s worth considering telling him what happened and seeing where it leads?”
My eyes widened as panic swept through me. “God no. I can’t. Never. It would kill him.”
“Would it?” she asked softly. “Or is this more about you than him?”
I swallowed down my fear. And my guilt. I’d spent last night weighed down with both as I’d turned this over in my mind again. The first year after I left Winter, I’d been consumed in this same way, and now all those feelings and thoughts had crashed back into me. I’d never actually managed to move past them; I’d just shoved them in my dirty secrets box and pushed it down as deep as I could.
“It’s about him… okay, and me…. Fuck…” My face twisted with the torn emotions coursing through me. “I don’t honestly know anymore.”
“This is something I think you need to put some serious thought into, because if I know Winter as well as I think I do, he’s not going anywhere. And, if I know you as well as I think I do, you won’t be able to resist him for much longer.”
She wasn’t wrong about any of that. After I’d kissed him yesterday, he’d tried to boss me into having dinner with him tonight and I’d almost said yes. He’d had me under his spell, that was for damn sure. Somehow, though, I’d called upon my skills of denial and managed to say no. And I’d then forced him to accept that no. Well, as much as anyone can force Winter to do anything. I knew it was only a matter of time before he made another attempt at ambushing me. I just had to be better prepared for him.
“Geez, Mum, how do you find anything in here?” I asked late that afternoon as I dug through the pile of clothes on the couch in her spare bedroom. My mother wasn’t known for her organisational skills, but I’d never seen this room so messy.
She nudged me aside. “Let me find it. And stop with the judgey eyes, darling. I’ve been busy with more important things.”
“What things?”
“Men things,” she said as she passed me the pink top I’d been looking for.
I cocked my head to the side. “Men things?”
Straightening, she smiled. It had a whisper of sexy to it that caught my attention. “I’ve been chatting with this guy online for the past two weeks. He’s kinda been distracting me from everything, including housework.”
It had been fourteen years since my father died. Mum had dated a lot of men since then, trying to find someone to love her like he had, but she was still to find the one. The fact my father had loved her something fierce made it harder for her. When you’d had the best, how did you ever replace that? I understood; I’d had the same struggle since leaving Winter.
Gripping her wrist excitedly, I said, “You need to tell me everything.”
“Do you wanna stay for dinner? I’m making that walnut salad you love. I’ll tell you everything while we eat.”
I exited the room, heading to the kitchen, dragging her with me. “I’ll help you make it while you talk. And I wanna know absolutely everything. Your first conversation. All about him. Your first date plans. Whether he gives you that feeling in your tummy that Dad did. Don’t leave a single thing out.” I spotted her phone on the kitchen counter and grabbed it. Passing it to her, I demanded, “Show me what he looks like.”
Taking the phone, she giggled. Like a freaking schoolgirl. “Oh, Birdie, don’t go getting all excited. It probably won’t go anywhere with him.”
I arched a brow. “Seriously? The last time I heard you giggle like that was when Dad was alive. I’m not calling it yet, but I think this dude might start showing up at our Sunday lunches in the future.”