I didn’t send a text back. Slipping my phone back in my pocket, I thought about Bond. Everything seemed to be falling into place. The trial delay would work well for us with Blade’s plan for Bond this week. No Bond would equal no trial. And my identity would be long buried.
23
Sophia
“What was it like for you growing up with Mum?” Magan asked me as we sat getting pedicures the next afternoon.
Her question surprised me coming out of the blue like that. We’d spoken a little about Mum over the last six months, but the topic almost felt out of bounds most days. Like neither of us wanted to confront our hurt. I guessed with Mum now back in our lives, the hurt was front and centre anyway, so there was nothing holding us back from talking about it.
“I was so young when I lived with her that I adored her. She could do no wrong in my eyes back then. But thinking about it now, as an adult looking back, she struggled as a mother. She didn’t know how to deal with me when I was naughty. Instead of teaching me boundaries, she’d just send me to my bedroom and not talk to me. Her temper was so quick that she’d yell at me for the smallest thing, and I would then spend days trying to please her and make her happy with me again, because when she got mad at me, she held onto it for days, sometimes weeks.”
Magan’s eyes were wide. “I don’t remember her being like that with me.”
Telling the truth but at the same time not wanting to shatter my sister’s rose-coloured memories was a hard thing to do. To top it off, I felt awful because I wanted her to see how badly our mother had treated us. I almost wanted to shake the God’s honest truth into her, but I knew I could never be so cruel. Kids eventually grew up, and at some point their eyes would open and they would work the bad stuff out for themselves. That was one of the bitches of life. You couldn’t hide from the truth forever.
“Maybe by the time she had you, she’d grown a little bit. She was so young when she had me. I don’t know…no mother is perfect, and I don’t ever expect perfection from a person, but I feel like she didn’t try to do better,” I said.
“She said she’s going to try to be better now. And she still wants you to be part of her life. Do you think you ever will be?” The hope on Magan’s face made me pause for a moment. She had an almost desperate need for me to want to be part of their lives, and I so wanted to be a part of Magan’s life, but not our mother’s.
I can’t do it.
Not even for Magan.
I shook my head. “I’m sorry, Magan, but I can’t. Too much has happened for me to be able to let her back in. I don’t trust her…and without trust, I have nothing.” My voice wobbled, and as much as I tried not to let this affect me – because, goddamn it, she’d affected enough of my life already – this stuff hurt.
She took all of that in, and finally nodded. “Okay.” It was only one word, but I felt the emotion behind it, and I valued it for what it represented – her acceptance of my decision.
“Thank you,” I whispered.
“So,” she said, changing the conversation, “what’s happening with lover boy?”
I grinned. “I’m sure he would love you calling him that. He’s so far from a boy, babe.”
“Good, I’ll be sure to call him that when I see him next.”
“He’s the kind of man I’ve waited ages for. He did my mowing the other day, fixed my light bulb and washer, and now he’s going to fix my patio.” I all but sighed.
“So you’re telling me that the way to your heart is by doing manly-type jobs?” she teased with a smile.
“Smart-ass,” I muttered. “Seriously, though, men like this don’t just hang around on street corners waiting for a woman to choose them. This is like gold. You have no idea.”
“I can imagine, and I think I need to get to hang out with him for a bit so I can see his awesomeness in action. Do you think he’d also be down with doing assignments for your sister? ‘Cause when school starts back up, I’m going to need help.”
I laughed. “I’d love to see his face if you asked him for help.”
We were busy laughing when my phone sounded with a text.
Griff: I’ll be over at 7. Be ready.
Me: What do you have planned?
Griff: Trust me, sweetheart, you’ll like what I have planned.
Me: I’ll see you then.
“That was him, right?” Magan asked as she had her feet massaged.
“Yeah.” My mind was already focusing on tonight and what he could possibly have planned.