“You like it when I tell you what to do.”
My head snaps up. “What?” I sure as hell do not like anyone telling me what to do.
“Not ordinarily. I mean in bed.” His hand is soothing on my back.
“Uh….”
He leans in and kisses me deep. I melt against him, winding my arms back around his neck.
“Which is incredibly hot,” he says against my lips, “since I like telling you what to do in bed.”
“I—but—um.”
“Lie back,” Rafe says, easing me off his lap and onto my back on the couch. He looks almost amused as he leans down to me. “What do you want me to do, Colin? I’ll do anything you want. Anything.” He kisses me, then pulls away. “Well?”
“Um… I… I don’t know.”
He leans back down so our hips are pressed together and murmurs in my ear, “Colin, I’m going to slide my hand down your pants and jerk you off until you scream my name.”
“Oh fuck!” My hips jerk up, desire sharp in the pit of my stomach.
Rafe half smiles at me. “See?”
“God damn it.” Why does that turn me on so much? Great, one more way I’m totally fucked up.
“Come on, doll,” he says, kissing the corner of my mouth and sliding a hand down to my hip. “You’re so hot for this.” He grinds our hips together and a sweet pulse of pleasure spreads through me. I thrust my hips up again, chasing the sensation.
“Rafe, fucking come on,” I moan. I’m trembling, like my skin can hardly contain my reaction to him.
He slides a hand around to my ass and I jerk into the couch cushions, startled.
“What is it?” he asks.
I shake my head, trying to focus on Rafe rather than on shit from the past. “Nothing. Feels good.”
Rafe sighs. “Colin.” He’s searching my face. “I need you to be honest with yourself. It’s really important to me, okay? I can’t—can’t do something you’re not okay with. Please don’t put me in that position.” His touch on my stomach is soothing. “We have plenty of time. Okay?”
I nod. “I swear, I’m fine.” Lie. Total lie. But I don’t know what else to do. I want this. “I just don’t really know what the fuck I’m doing, okay?” Hopefully that will be enough of the truth to satisfy Rafe.
“Okay.” His voice is calm. “Can you tell me what you want right now?” He runs a hand over my hair.
I squeeze my eyes shut so I can pretend he’s not looking at me. I want to stop thinking about it. I want to stop talking about it. I just want to be caught up in it. “I… I want you to do… whatever.”
That didn’t really come out how I wanted, but Rafe shudders like it totally does it for him and lets out a breath, running fingers over my lips.
“You tell me if you want me to stop, okay?”
I nod and grip his shoulders as he slides a hand inside my pants. He palms my erection, and I cry out and grab for him.
“One thing,” he says, pulling back, and I groan. “You want me to be in control of this, you have to do something for me.” He looks serious as he takes my hand. “Words are hard for you. So, if there’s ever anything I’m doing that you don’t like and you want me to stop, and you can’t tell me, then you tap me three times. Like this. And I’ll stop.”
I nod and clear my throat, but my voice sounds all messed up. “Okay.”
“I’ll stop. Whatever I’m doing, I’ll stop. It doesn’t matter if it’s a kiss or a touch or I’m five seconds from coming. I will always stop. Tell me you understand.”
“I understand,” I choke out.
“And if you just need me to slow down so we can talk about it?”
“Rafe, please. Come on.” I’m burning up, straining beneath him to get some contact. Every word he says is turning me on more and more.
“What do you do if you need to slow down and talk about whatever is happening?” Rafe asks again. His voice is calm, but he slides his hand under my back and pulls me to him, grinding us together fiercely. I groan.
“Tell me, Colin. Tell me.”
“I—ungh!” His mouth is on my neck and I can hardly think. “I tap three times. Rafe, please. Please! Oh god!”
“You’re so fucking hot like this. Struggling underneath me. Desperate to come but waiting until I let you.” We kiss until our mouths are bruised. Rafe strokes a thumb along my neck, which leaves me shivering against him.
Shit, shit, shit. I don’t understand what’s happening to me. I feel like I’m coming apart. And I shouldn’t like losing control like this. It’s dangerous. Too close to having it taken away. And when that happens—
“Oh god!”
Rafe’s hand on me is hot and slick with my own arousal and he’s moving so slowly. He runs his other hand up the inside of my thigh and squeezes my balls. I arch off the couch and start babbling. “Oh fuck, fuck. What are you—fuck!”