“Oh I love it. Adam finished decorating the nursery last week. You need to come and have dinner with us and I’ll give you the grand tour.”
Great. Dinner with Asshat Adam. Can’t fucking wait. “I’d like that. Maybe when you’ve squeezed that humongous human outta your body we’ll arrange something.”
“Don’t,” she said, shuddering. “I’m petrified.”
“You’ll be fine. Remember when we were twelve and you ran away from home and tried to climb in my bedroom window?”
She laughed. “Yeah.”
“You broke two bones in your leg and got a tree branch wedged in your pussy and you barely flinched.”
“It was my thigh not my…” she trailed off, seeming too embarrassed to say the word. It was testament to how much she’d changed. I literally bit down on my tongue until it began to sting to stop myself telling her as much. I blamed Adam for knocking the sparkle out of her and the last time I voiced my opinion of him she didn’t talk to me for three months.
Over two coffees and a pizza we reminisced about our childhood. It was like having the old, pre-Adam, Ashley back and I decided maybe I’d been too harsh in judging her. Maybe this was just what happened to people when they grew up and took different paths in life. People change, hell, I certainly had, and I needed to stop living in the past.
“I’ve missed you, Matty,” she said, putting down her coffee and pressing her hand on mine over the table. “It’s good to see you so happy.”
“Yeah.” I smiled. “Yeah, I really am.”
“Dare I ask who the lucky lady is that you’re so obviously thinking of right now?”
“Alex.” His name came out quickly, like I couldn’t wait to feel it on my tongue.
Ashley grinned, still holding my hand. “I knew it!”
You did?
“I knew there was a girl involved. You just seem so…settled. So, do I get to meet this Alex?”
“You don’t understand,” I muttered, shaking my head. “I mean it’s Alex.”
I saw the exact moment it registered in her head. The smile melted from her face and she snatched her hand away from mine.
“Alex Alex? Alex the man Alex?”
“That’s the one. Ah, he makes me so happy, Ash. I’m in lo-”
“So what, you’re gay now? Bisexual?” Confusion laced her voice. Maybe even a little anger. I didn’t like it. For a moment I felt that shame I told Alex I’d never allow anyone to make me feel. I think, naively, that’s because I never expected anyone so important to me to judge.
I shrugged at her question. “I’m just Matt. I don’t feel any different than I did a year ago. Happier, yes, but I don’t see why that means I need to shove myself into some kind of box. Labels should be for products, not people. I see myself as just a guy who happened to fall in love with his best friend, and that’s how I’d like you to see me, too.”
“I, well…sorry, it’s just a shock.” Shock I could deal with, judgment or disapproval I couldn’t. I wouldn’t. “You know it could be a phase. What with losing your mom and-”
“It’s not a phase,” I spat. “I’ve felt things for him for a long time. I just didn’t understand them before.”
“I’m not saying you don’t care for him. I have friends I care about, too. But maybe…” Ashley went quiet, her forehead creasing as she searched for the words.
“Maybe what?” I snapped, frustrated. And hurt.
“With Alex being…” She hunched her shoulders like she couldn’t bring herself to finish.
“Gay?”
“Maybe you’re just afraid you’ll lose your friendship if you don’t return the favor, so to speak. If he’s pressuring you-”
“Are you for real right now?” I didn’t realize I’d yelled until people turned in their seats to stare at me. Breathing deeply through my nose, I forced myself to calm down. “He hasn’t pressured me into anything. He doesn’t expect anything from me. The only thing Alex is guilty of is loving me. He’d never ask or want me to change, and I gotta say, Ash, it feels like that’s exactly what you’re doing right now.”
“I-I’m not,” she stuttered. “I only mentioned it because Adam knows this group that can help people who are confused. I just-”
“Adam,” I said through gritted teeth. “Should’ve known it was him talking. He’s changed you, Ashley.”
“Let’s not go there again. I don’t want to fall out with you, Matty.”
I sighed, softening. “I just don’t know what you see in him. You used to be fun. Free.”
“I grew up. I found God.”
You didn’t find him. Adam thrust him in your face.
“I know you’re not religious but you need to stop judging Adam because he is.”
It wasn’t religion that made Adam an asshole. It was his personality. “I don’t judge anybody, which is why I won’t accept people judging me.”