Seconds later, a tall redhead with a waist to die for and tits bigger than watermelons entered the room wearing a pastel-pink uniform and a smile. “Hi!” she sang. “My name’s Janie and I’ll be doing your wax today.”
“Lucky me,” I said, my voice thick with disdain.
“Okay!” she continued in a chirpy drawl, clapping her hands together. “I’ll leave you alone to undress and settle yourself on the table. There are towels to your right that you can use to cover yourself.”
“What’s the point when she’s gonna be ripping chunks outta my junk?” I asked Ryder when Janie left the room. “She’s gonna see what I’m packing anyway. At least, she better. If she goes in blind she might accidentally tear off my dick.” I winced at the thought.
Fear hammered my chest as I stepped out of my clothes. I tossed them in Ryder’s direction, not bothering to check if he caught them. Even lying naked on the bed with a tiny towel covering my pride and joy I still hoped he’d yell “Gotcha!” and take me home.
He didn’t.
“I really don’t think Alex cares if I have a hairy ass.” I honestly didn’t know why I was going through with this. I think the fact I was so desperate to get things right, to please Alex, I took Ryder’s advice because of his vast experience screwing men.
“All ready?”
Great. Chirpy Chirpeson’s back. “Sure,” I said weakly, forcing the word through my suddenly extremely tight throat.
“Are we going with the front first?”
What are you asking me for? You’re the sadistic bitch who wants to hurt me. “Sure.”
“Great!”
You think? I threw the evilest death glare I could summon at Ryder and I swear I saw the fucker grin.
“If you just pop your hand under and hold yourself flat against your stomach, I’ll get started,” she told me while stirring a pot of pink goo. Assuming hold yourself meant move your dick outta the way, I did as she said. “Ready?”
No. “Sure.” Apparently, all other words had evaporated from my vocabulary.
I closed my eyes the second she removed the towel. Why the hell didn’t I just call Alex and ask him if he dug the pre-pubescent boy look instead of taking that asshat’s word for it? “Ooo…” Mmm, okay, that doesn’t feel too bad.
She smoothed warm liquid over my balls. It tingled a little and I found myself kinda liking the sensation. Next came the feeling of something being pressed onto the delicate skin. It felt like silk through the soft wax. She ran the length of her skilled fingers over it a few times and I almost said aloud that she must make some guy very happy, but thankfully managed to stop myself. That kind of restraint didn’t happen very often. I deserved a high-five.
What I failed to realize, is that the twisted bitch was simply luring me into a false sense of security. Without warning, she ripped that strip of material from my body with so much force I was sure she’d removed my actual scrotum. “Holy fuck!” I cried, drawing my knees into my chest. “Argh, Christ!”
I didn’t think anything could make my moment of torture any worse…until I looked at Ryder. Laughing, he held his phone in the air, pointing straight at me.
“What the actual fuck, dude? Are you videoing this?”
“Oh my God,” I think he squealed. It was difficult to decipher through the roar of his laughter. “I totally didn’t think you’d go through with it.”
I leapt from that bed with so much rage flowing through my veins I feared I might actually kill him. My towel was fuck knows where as I stomped over to him with one perfectly smooth ball and shoved his shoulders so hard he stumbled over a trashcan and almost landed on his ass.
“You sick bastard!” I yelled, twitches of pain still rippling through my ball sac. “I can’t believe you think this is funny. I can barely fucking walk!”
“Oh come on, mate.”
“I’m not your fucking mate,” I growled, mimicking his accent.
“You’re being dramatic.” I didn’t know if I hated him more because he thought I was overreacting or because he was still fucking laughing. “I get waxed all the time.”
“Then get your ass on that table ‘cause I sure as shit ain’t.”
“Um, so you don’t want to continue?” Janie asked, looking confused as she held up the wax strip that I was sure had half my body organs stuck to it.
“No, lady, I most certainly fucking don’t.”
“You have to!” Ryder chipped in. “You’re uneven.”
“You’re lucky your fucking face isn’t uneven right now.”
Glancing timidly to the floor, Janie popped her spatula back into the pot of wax. “I’ll, um, leave you to get dressed.”
By this point I didn’t even care that I was standing in the middle of the room with my junk and patchy balls on display. She went to leave the room but turned, grabbing a small box from one of the shelves. She passed it to me, looking anywhere but down. “Aloe Vera lotion,” she rushed out, her voice quiet. “It soothes the sting and prevents any rashes from occurring.”