Or maybe it was because I was falling in….
No. Nuh-uh. Not going there.
“Sorry, man,” Matt said, pulling up his zipper as he came barreling down the spiral staircase after me.
“No need to finish on my account.” Grabbing my jacket off the back of the stool I left it on when I arrived, I hooked it onto my finger and tossed it over my shoulder, turning to leave.
“You’re pissed at me. Why you pissed at me?”
“I’m not pissed. I’m late. Gotta head into work early, that’s why I came, to tell you I can’t make tonight.”
“Uh, no problem. We’ll go out tomorrow instead.”
Matt was inches away from me, his toned and exposed chest making me want to drool and slap myself in equal measure. His blue eyes bored into mine as he stared at me like he was thinking ‘What the fuck is your problem?’ Well I didn’t know what my fucking problem was, only that I wanted to scratch my own eyes out because all I could see every time I blinked was Matt’s ass bobbing up and down on top of that girl.
“Wait, are you…are you jealous?” The bastard actually laughed at me.
“What the hell ever. I gotta go.”
Turning sharply, I left Matt’s place, sprinting toward my car as fast as my legs would allow. I was in a vile mood. I didn’t particularly know why, or at least I wouldn’t admit the reason to myself, and that mood stayed with me, dragging me down like a boulder suspended from my neck, for the rest of the day.
The next day I planned to cancel on Matt again, but then I forced myself to get over my childish sulk and headed to his place like we agreed. I wasn’t, however, in the mood for yet another night of partying, or to put it more factually, watching Matt get wasted and grope as many chicks who’d let him before taking one of them home and leaving me alone. So, I went to the store on my way and picked up ingredients to make us dinner instead.
“You went shopping?” Matt said, stating the obvious when he answered the door. “And why didn’t you use your key?”
“Because every time I do I’m usually interrupting something,” I said, stepping past him and walking through to the kitchen. I placed the grocery bags down on the side, smiling at the pristine granite surfaces. Like everything else in Matt’s kitchen, it had never been used for actual cooking. He lived off takeouts and reheated dinners made by his mom.
“So what’s with the groceries?” Matt asked, ignoring my jibe.
“I’m making us dinner. Thought we could just stay in for the night.”
“Sure. Got a headache anyway.”
“Do you need me to get you some pills?”
“Nah,” Matt said, shaking his head. “It’ll pass. So what are we having?” he asked, peeking curiously into the bags.
“Shredded beef and onion pie, mashed potatoes, veg and gravy. Ryder showed me how to make it once.”
“Ryder? Ryder can cook?”
“Apparently he wanted to be a chef once upon a time,” I said, setting out my ingredients on the counter.
“Chef. Porn star. Chef. Porn star. Nope, not seeing the similarities.”
After a minute’s silence, he leaned back on the counter, his arms folded over his chest, and looked at me with curiosity. He watched intently as I set to work on dinner, following me around the giant kitchen with his eyes and making a mixture of ‘hmm’ and ‘huh’ sounds. I even managed to get him to stir a couple of times, although, he looked like I’d just asked him to piss on a baby when I did.
“What did you want to be when you were younger? No kid dreams of working in a bar.”
I looked up to the ceiling, like it stored my answer. “When I was really young, like a lot of kids, I wanted to be a singer. But then I realized I couldn’t sing for crap.”
“I know,” Matt said, scoffing. “I’ve heard you.”
“Then I wanted to be a veterinarian. I loved animals. Still do. I worked real hard at school so I could get into college.”
“So what happened?”
I shrugged. “Life. I had a disagreement with my parents and decided to travel instead. I went from state to state. Worked in several coffee shops, a hardware store, a couple of pizza joints, and then ended up here when, as usual, I ran out of money. Only this time I stuck around.”
“Why?”
“The scenery,” I said, forcing a smile. I wasn’t prepared to share my reasons with Matt, or with anyone. I’d been through so much since I moved to this city, things that had changed me, changed the course of my future, and the only way I could stop them destroying me completely was to keep them locked away.
Matt snapped his neck back. “So they kicked you out? Your parents.”