Christ, I really fucking did. The idea made me nervous because I wasn’t sure I’d know how to do it right. I wanted to make him feel as good as he’d just made me but I didn’t know how. One thing’s for definite, I sure as shit wanted to give it a try.
“And you will,” Alex said, sighing as he clamped his hand down on top of mine, preventing me going any further. “Just not tonight. We’re going to do this right, and we’re going to do it as safely as we possibly can.”
I knew he was right and I agreed wholeheartedly, but that didn’t take the craving away.
“I’ll call my doctor in the morning. He’ll be here by lunch.”
“You can get an appointment that quickly?” Alex asked before tutting at himself. “Of course you can. You know it could still be a while though before…” Alex paused, his cheeks pinking. I found it oddly adorable. “Before we go any further.”
He sounded like an embarrassed teenager having the dreaded birds and the bees talk with a parent. I smiled inwardly, remembering that conversation with my mom. Thankfully, it didn’t last that long. By the time she got around to sitting me down and talking about how I might start developing certain ‘feelings’ soon, I’d already fucked four different girls.
“We’ll probably have to wait for the Truvada to build up in your system. I think it’s a good idea to talk through everything with someone else too. A professional. You know you’re going to need regular check ups and testing, right? And the pills might have side effects.”
“Alex,” I interrupted, shushing him by placing a finger over his lips. “You almost sound like you’re trying to talk me out of it.”
“I’m just trying to make you aware is all. It’s a big deal.”
“I know that, but if it means I get to be with you, it’s worth it.”
Alex yawned, attempting to disguise it by concealing his mouth with his forearm.
“Am I boring you?” I teased. It was almost four AM. I felt it, too. “Why don’t you go to bed,” I suggested. “I’ll take a quick shower and then join you.”
“What, your bed? You want us to sleep together?”
“Alex, you’ve just sucked my dick dry. I don’t think we need to worry about sleeping next to each other being awkward.”
He laughed. “No. Guess not. But, shit, this is going to take some getting used to.” He brought my hand to his lips, lightly grazing the back of my knuckles with a kiss. “Don’t take too long.”
I took a little while longer than necessary in the shower, replaying the last couple of hours in my head. It was official. I was in a relationship with another man. I felt like I should feel different somehow, maybe even look different, but apart from a slight flush to my skin everything was exactly the same.
It felt surreal when I finally climbed into bed, lying on my side to face Alex. Not just because he was a guy, but because of how content I felt. I’d woken up next to countless women before but never once remembered falling asleep with them. The fact anyone had slept in my bed was an unintentional side effect of having drunken sex before passing out the night before. When I looked at Alex, though, his sleepy eyes growing heavy as he smiled weakly at me, I couldn’t wait to remember falling asleep with him.
“How are you not tired?” Alex asked, interrupting my ogling. I’d always been able to appreciate a handsome guy and felt comfortable enough with myself to admit it, but never before had I found a man so damn beautiful I couldn’t look at him without wanting to eat his fucking face.
That’s how I felt about Alex. No matter how close our bodies were it never felt close enough.
“I am. I just don’t want to sleep yet.”
“Why not?” he asked, concern lacing his voice as he settled his hand on my hip.
“Because I’m enjoying looking at you too much.” The words sounded bizarre as they left my lips, but they were the truth.
Alex smiled, laughing softly. “My face will still be here when we wake up.”
“Just close your eyes,” I whispered. “I’ll follow in a minute.”
“I’ve never seen this side of you before,” Alex said, his smile growing weaker as he fought the urge to sleep. “You’re being almost romantic. I kinda like it.”
“I’m just acting how I feel. No one’s ever made me feel this way before.”
Every blink of Alex’s eyes lasted a little longer until eventually they stopped opening altogether. Snuggling closer, I draped my arm over his waist and rested my forehead against his. “G’night, buddy,” I whispered, before closing my eyes and drifting into a heavy sleep with the proudest smile on my face.