I shrugged, aiming for nonchalance. “Sure.”
“Sure? What do you mean ‘sure’? If mind blowing sex was a person, it’d be Will.”
“I mean, yeah. Yeah I’m looking forward to it.” I could hear the slur in my voice which stopped me reaching forward for the beer in front of me. I knew I was in for a motherfucking headache when I woke up tomorrow.
“You don’t like Will?”
“Sure I do,” I protested. “I’ve only met him once but he seems like a decent guy.”
“Then what’s eating you?”
“Nothing’s eating me!” I snapped, regretting it immediately. “Just drop it, okay?”
“Drop what? That proves there’s something I need to drop. What’s going on?”
Fucking hell. How did this get so serious all of a sudden?
“I’ve never bottomed, okay?” I bit out, ignoring the fog in my head and grabbing my beer regardless.
“You’ve never… how? Why?”
“Never had the chance I guess. I’ve not been…saving myself or anything. I suppose I just thought the first time should be, I don’t know, kinda special, with someone who mattered.”
Think it’s pretty safe to say I felt like an absolute moron in that moment and I knew we wouldn’t be having this conversation if I were sober.
“Didn’t you want that for your first time?” I added.
Ryder lowered his eyes to the floor. What can only be described as pain washed over his face and I instantly regretted prying. “I don’t remember my first time,” he clipped. “Guess I’m not as idealistic as you.”
“I’m not idealistic. At least, not anymore.” Admitting that out loud stung more than I expected it to.
“Why are you here, tiger?” he asked, dropping his legs to the floor and scooting closer to me. There was no shock or judgment in his tender voice, just… warmth. “Why are you doing this?”
“The porn?”
“Yeah. You’re different, Mase. You don’t crave the attention. You don’t live to fuck, to party, to… I don’t know. You’re just…different.”
“I need money. I have no skills or qualifications. A friend of mine, back at the bar I used to dance in, is in the business and he told me to go for it. So I did.”
“That’s… really kinda sad. Tell me honestly, how did you feel when we did your audition scene? Did you enjoy it?”
“Yeah. Course I did. I love having sex, Ry. Who doesn’t? Sure I was nervous. And I gotta be honest, there’s a lot more involved than I expected. Like the camera getting right up in your face, or trying not to pay attention to people’s movements around you. But really, I enjoyed it, and I don’t regret what I’m doing.”
“I could help you,” Ryder said, but I wasn’t actually sure what he was offering. “Before your scene next week, I can teach you. Show you.”
He moved even closer, his sweet breath mingled with beer and tobacco blanketing my face.
“Are you offering to fuck me, Ryder?” I asked, needing confirmation. My voice cracked and a lump formed deep in my throat.
“Yes,” he breathed simply, nuzzling his face into my neck. An involuntary moan leaked from my mouth as he trailed soft kisses up to my ear. “But not tonight. We’re both wasted. And you’re right, it should be special for you. I haven’t got much to offer you, tiger, but I can give you that. I want to give you that. You’re my friend.”
Friend. The word kept tumbling around in my mind over and over again. It didn’t sit well with me and I couldn’t fathom why.
“You don’t need to do this, Ry. I’m a grown man. I can deal with this on my own.”
“Mason I want to fuck you. Before you go on that set you need to know how good it can be, and I’m just the right guy to show you.” He winked at me, briefly kissed my cheek and then jumped up from the couch. “But right now I’m going to bed before I blow chunks all over this couch.”
I sat there in silence, my jaw slightly open and my head growing fuzzier by the second. By the time I felt composed enough to respond Ryder was gone, and so, feeling what can only be described as overwhelmed, I dropped sideways onto the cushions and fell asleep right there on the couch.
Chapter Three
~Ryder~
THE NEXT MORNING I had to drag my sorry arse out of bed because I’d arranged to meet Elle for coffee. I was tired, hungover, and my body ached everywhere from trying to swing from a bloody doorframe for hours. But I couldn’t cancel on my girl, so I forced my weary body in the shower, changed into some sweatpants and a vest-tee, and hauled myself to the coffee house down the street.
She was already there, waiting for me at the table in the corner, when I arrived. She stood up when she saw me, and once I reached her I wrapped my arms tightly around her small frame, swaying her from side to side.