“Elle and I have discussed this recently too,” Kip admitted, looking straight at me.
“Guys…” Claire practically whispered, her eyes glistening with tears that hadn’t found the courage to fall yet. “You’re… you’re really serious, aren’t you?”
“Yeah,” I answered. “Yeah I think we are.”
“So what next?” Matt questioned. “We talk to Pete?”
“Um, well,” Claire stuttered, her face pale with shock. “Y-yes. Of course we’ll need to talk to Pete. There’s a lot to sort through, a lot to plan. You can’t just bow out, you know that right?”
“Of course,” I agreed.
“We’ll need to finish this album, make it a farewell one. Plan a final tour. Talk about your futures, arrange appearances and announcements.”
“Sooo, this is it?” Kip said, exhaling a long sigh. “Souls of the Knight are no more.”
“No,” I disagreed. “We’ll always be a band. You guys are my life, that will never change.”
“Well,” Claire began. “I suppose I’d best start making some calls,” she added, sighing dejectedly. “And for the record, guys, you’re my family too.” She walked out of the room, heading towards the outside pool area, before any of us could respond.
Guilt simmered in my veins. She’d dedicated the last nine years of her life to us since joining the team a year after our first hit. In many ways she’s like our surrogate mother. She’s bossy, condescending but she always looks out for us. She’d never married, had kids, spending every waking hour managing us or sorting out our shit. Now we were quitting, moving on with new people, who would she have?
She’ll have us, that’s who. I meant what I said. This band and everyone involved with us are a family, and I would give up my life before I’d let that change.
“Are we all okay?” I asked, addressing everyone.
“Feels kinda surreal,” Gavin said, and I noticed the other guys nodding in understanding. “We’ve had a fucking blast though, haven’t we?”
“Yeah,” I nodded. “Even with Matt in the band,” I joked. Matt threw a cushion my way, sulking as he missed me completely.
We spent the next hour or so swapping memories, laughing, insulting each other’s past mistakes. Then, when it was time for me to get ready for my appearance on the Levi Davidson show, we all stood up in unison, gathering in the middle of the room. I opened my arms, my heart ballooning with love and awe for these four guys who have been with me through everything. One by one they followed my lead until we ended up in a scrum, arms locked together, heads down.
“I fuckin’ love you guys,” I said. “I wouldn’t have wanted to share this life with anyone but you.”
“Hear, hear,” Kip chirped, breaking the scrum and offering his hand for a round of high fives.
In just a couple of hours the course of my future had been completely upturned. I was as afraid as I was excited, but when Jake entered the room, coming up behind me and pressing a kiss to my shoulder, I knew whatever was in store for me would be fucking amazing.
After showering and changing I called Elle, filling her in about our decision. Of course she questioned it, made sure it wasn’t impulsive, but after explaining like I did to the guys she was behind me one hundred percent. She’s flying out next week, after some hairdressing awards ceremony she’d been banging on about for months, and for the first time she was bringing her sister Kylie out with her.
She’s just finished school for the summer and has been having a hard time with their mum. Elle thinks showing her a bit of the world will show her that there’s a whole life ahead of her, where she can achieve anything she sets her mind to. Elle and I have both been in Kylie’s position, living with a parent who doesn’t give a shit about you. It’s easy to believe that’s all life has to offer, especially when most people on the estate stay there, getting pissed, procreating and sponging off the state until they die.
The topic of conversation led me to my own mother. As soon as I knew Jake had pulled through after the shooting, I tried to contact her, tell her what was happening before she saw it on the news. I can only assume I was too late seeing as she never took any of my calls and hasn’t attempted to get in touch herself.
I asked if Elle had seen her, if she knew how she was. All she could offer me was an apology, which clearly translated to the fact my mother has given up on me. It hurts, possibly more than she deserves, but she’s still my mother. When you’re a kid there’s no one more important than your mum. I still remember her singing me lullabies and kissing my grazed knees.
“You ready to head off?” Jake asked, entering the bedroom. “Neil’s outside.”
“Sure,” I replied, although I don’t think I’d ever been quite so un-ready in my life.
We travelled to the TV studio with Neil and Claire sitting up front, while Jake held my hand in his, sitting with me in the back. On arrival, we were met with a sea of screaming fans. I took my time walking past the crowd, stopping for autographs and photos and for the first time spending a little extra time to chat with some of them. I’d miss this… the knowledge that our music brought so many people together. I absorbed every second of the crazy atmosphere as studio staff escorted us into the building.
From this moment on, I would appreciate every single moment of this lifestyle, knowing it was coming to an end.
Once inside I was taken through to makeup where two women fussed with my hair and layered my face in powder. Soon enough I was taken through to the studio, pausing outside the door until the recording light flashed red. I heard Levi announce my name, and then I was given the go ahead by a guy wearing a headset to go on through.