In the next moment, Jase’s eyes met mine. They pierced me as if searching for something. He finally smiled, and my stomach reacted against my will.
No one was seated yet. All of them had been talking quietly at the far end of the room. Now everyone ambled toward their seats. Jase pulled out my chair for me and kissed my cheek. “Are you all right?’ he whispered quietly.
“Of course.” I knew I had to make more of an effort at acting normal, though I wasn’t sure what that was anymore. His hand slid to my thigh beneath the table, and I reached down and cupped my hand around his.
“What’s that?” he asked and lifted my hand to where he could see it. He looked at the ring on my finger.
“I got it at the arena yesterday,” I explained.
He didn’t ask the question, but it stewed in his eyes: Did you pay for it?
“It was a gift from a merchant,” I said.
A slight pull at the corner of his mouth. Sure it was.
“It’s nice,” he replied with great effort, sliding our hands back beneath the table.
As usual, the busyness of a family dinner erupted, conversations intersecting one another across the table, pitchers of water and ale passed, goblets clinking as they were filled. Natiya brought in baskets of clover buns and carefully set first-course plates in front of everyone. They all admired the artistry of the elegant zucchini roulades shaped like roses, a black-bean paste between the thin petals. “You’re spoiling us, Natiya,” Vairlyn said.
“Hope you enjoy, ma’am.” Natiya was doing twice the work tonight, covering for Eben while he was occupied with delivering special dinners to the gate guards and other tasks.
Vairlyn was about to offer thanks when Jalaine appeared at the doorway, and a quiet fell. She hesitated at the entrance. “I’m sorry I’m late.”
Jase seemed surprised by her arrival and jumped up from his seat. He went to her place and pulled out her chair. “Not too late, sister,” he said. When she reached it, Jase pulled her into his arms and held her. He wasn’t just a brother holding his sister, but a Patrei, holding her for the entire family, pulling her back into their circle. He whispered something into Jalaine’s ear. Forgiveness? An apology? Vairlyn blinked, a faint smile curling her lips.
Once they were both seated again, Vairlyn bowed her head and offered thanks to the gods for our meal. When she finished, Lydia and Nash said, as they had every night since I taught them the words, “Le’en chokabrez. Kez lo mati!”
They looked to me for approval, and I nodded. “Me too.” How quickly they had drawn me into the small routines of their lives. A lump grew in my throat.
Wren, Synové, and I dug in right away, hoping to set an example.
“It’s my favorite vagabond dish,” Synové said. “What do you think, Mason?”
He chewed and swallowed his first forkful. “Good,” he agreed. “Very good.”
Jase paused with his first bite, as if he didn’t like it, but then swallowed. “You don’t care for it?” I asked qu
ietly. I held my breath. The Ballengers weren’t picky eaters, and this was one of the most irresistible vagabond dishes. Aram’s and Samuel’s helpings were already gone.
“No,” he answered. “It’s very good. Just a different taste.” He ate the rest, but it looked like he was only being polite.
When the last rose roulade was gone, Priya and Titus cleared the dishes, setting them on the sideboard, and soon Natiya came in with platters of roasted game hens and carrots. Vairlyn filled and passed the plates.
Wren and Synové both tried to eat their food with some degree of enthusiasm. I noticed Samuel scowling as he stabbed a carrot. He was usually the most cheerful of the Ballenger clan, and I wondered if he was growing impatient with his bandaged hand. In spite of Wren trying to engage him, he mostly looked down at his plate and uttered simple replies. Jalaine was quiet, but at least she was here.
Jase announced that he had gotten word this morning that the houses at the settlement were finished. Wren, Synové, and I voiced our appreciation. “Maybe we can all go out there next week and look over the progress,” he suggested. He looked at me expectantly, waiting for my response. Our few days at the settlement had been a new beginning for us. Maybe he hoped it would happen again. “That would be wonderful,” I answered, forcing just the right amount of smile, just the right amount of my gaze lingering in his, just the right amount of juggling.
“The teacher left for the settlement today,” Gunner piped up. “I told her to enlist Jurga’s help. She’s going to have to teach the adults too.” His eyes lit up when he mentioned Jurga.
Wren and I exchanged a glance, and I knew she was finding this conversation as difficult as I was. I was grateful when Titus brought up the new mare they’d acquired from Gastineux breeders. Still, each minute dragged by like an hour.
And then the first yawn came.
Vairlyn rubbed her eyes and shook her head. “I’m sorry, but I’m afraid I’m going to have excuse myself and turn in early tonight. I guess it’s been a long day.” She hurried Lydia and Nash along, in spite of their protests that they weren’t tired, and took them with her. Priya and Jalaine agreed, both blinking and yawning, and they left too. Minute by minute, the dining room quieted as another Ballenger left, suddenly overwhelmed with fatigue. Except for Jase.
I finally said I was tired too and was going to bed. “I’ll walk you,” Jase offered, but as he stood I saw a slight stumble. He smiled. “I only had one ale. Promise.” He tried to shake it off, but as we walked up the flight of stairs he stumbled again.
“I think Titus refilled your mug twice,” I said. “Maybe you had more ale than you thought. Let’s get you straight to your room.”