“You’re right. You are an asshole.”
“Er, I didn’t say I’m an asshole—”
“But you taught me some important lessons. One day, I’ll find the person I can trust more than anyone else because you showed me everything I shouldn’t look for.”
Blake’s heart wrenched. It’d be so easy. Right then and there, when he and Farrah were the only people in the world, it’d be so easy to tell her the truth. It wouldn’t set things right—he cheated on her, even if he didn’t remember doing it—but at least she’d know. Everything he did, everything he told her was true. She was the love of his life.
Then he remembered the look on Cleo’s face when she told him she was pregnant. His family’s reaction. The folder of parenting e-books on his computer. How his mom was already picking out color swatches for the nursery.
He remembered all the reasons Farrah couldn’t know the truth, and so he said the words that scraped his throat raw when he forced them out.
“I hope you find him.”
Farrah’s nostrils flared. For a split second, her stony mask cracked, and he saw the hurt in her eyes.
His heart wrenched again.
Farrah turned and walked into the ballroom without another word.
All Blake could do was watch her leave. There was nothing left to say, except the three words he could never say to her again.
I love you.
Chapter Thirty-Five
The FEAers ended their night at the only place that made sense: Gino’s. Their home away from home. In the past year, they spent enough money here to keep the bar in the green for at least another twelve months, which may have been why the owner treated them to a round of free beers on their last night.
Courtney raised her drink and looked around at the dozens of faces staring back at her. “Guys, we’ve made it this far. This is our last night. Our last chance to make sure we don’t leave Shanghai with any regrets. Say what you want to say, do what you want to do, or forever hold your peace.”
Farrah flicked her eyes toward the back of the group, where Blake stood still as a statue.
I hope you find him. His words echoed in her mind, taunting her.
“We go back to our own cities and lives tomorrow, but no matter what happens, I think it’s safe to say this is a year we’ll cherish forever. So, cheers!” Courtney raised her drink higher. “To FEA, Shanghai, and a night we won’t remember with friends we’ll never forget!”
“Cheers!”
Farrah lifted her glass as FEA erupted into a cacophony of chatter and glasses clinking.
In her peripheral vision, Farrah saw a tear slip down Janice’s cheek. The end of the semester hit everyone harder than expected.
Janice caught Farrah’s eye, and the two girls exchanged watery smiles. They were roommates, not friends, but Farrah wouldn’t forget the way Janice comforted her the night of her breakup with Blake. Part of her wished she’d gotten to know Janice better this year, but it was too late for that.
“I can’t stand this sentimental shit,” Kris said.
“Don’t lie. You love it.” Olivia draped an arm over Kris’s shoulders. “I’m going to miss you.”
Kris sighed and finished her cranberry vodka. “I’m going to miss you too.” She caught Farrah’s eye and rolled her eyes jokingly. Farrah smiled. Kris may be prickly, but she would kill for her friends. That type of loyalty was hard to come by.
The music switched to The Wanted’s “Glad You Came,” one of Farrah’s favorite throwback songs. Her heart ached at the lyrics. Of all the cities in all the world, they ended up here. But what if they hadn’t? Even if one person chose another city, this whole year would’ve been different.
In that way, the lyrics couldn’t have been more fitting, though she knew the song was about orgasms.
That was fitting too.
Farrah’s mouth tilted up at her own inside joke.
She might have loose ends to tie up. She might never forget Blake, and she might not see half the people here again, but she was grateful for everything that happened these past eight months. How lucky was she to have spent a year in Shanghai, to have strangers turn into family, and to have loved so deeply it left scars on her heart?