Pike lights a smoke and passes me one. I light it and take a deep drag, hoping the nicotine will clear my mind and point me in the direction of whoever might have it out for Lenny. She won’t be safe until I find that person and put them in the fucking ground.
Pike leans against the porch railing, crossing his feet at the ankles. “Does Tico, at least, know that Jared’s dead?”
I nod. “He does now. I also told him that I’m the one who killed him.”
Pike’s eyes fall on something over my shoulder. He freezes with his cigarette dangling from his lip.
A sense of awareness washes over me, and instantly, I feel the terror that comes along with it. I don’t have to look to know what, or who, is standing there.
“Nine?” a sleepy sounding feminine voice asks.
I turn around slowly, and my worst fear is confirmed.
Her mouth is open in shock. Her bottom lip quivers as a single tear rolls down her cheek.
Lenny.
Lenny storms inside.
“I’ll tell you what I find out,” Pike says, but I’m only half listening because all that matters right now is Lenny and telling her the truth. Something I should have done a long time ago but was too chickenshit to do it.
I follow her into the house and find her standing there at the kitchen counter with her face as pale as if she’s seen a ghost. Her hands are shaking. She’s leaning on the counter for support.
“Shit,” I mutter.
“You…all this time. All this time you’ve been lying to me.” It’s not a question. It’s a realization. The pain in her voice digs into my ribs and causes me to cough.
“Only about that,” I say, needing her to know exactly what happened, needing to take that look of betrayal from her face.
I take a step forward, but she takes one back, holding out her open palm to stop me.
“I didn’t lie to you. I just didn’t tell you the whole truth,” I say, pleading with my eyes.
“That’s exactly what lies are!” she yells. “Unspoken truths.” She jabs my chest with her finger. “You…you killed Jared. He’s the one you were telling me about that night, but I was too stupid to listen and too blinded by this thing between us to understand. You fucking killed him!”
“Yes, but it’s not what you think. Hear me out!”
She shakes her head in disbelief. “All this time, I thought he left me, but he was dead. You let me believe that he left me and my anxiety was going crazy with all of the reasons why, but you killed him.”
You killed him. She’s said it three times already as if she’s drowning in the words.
“He was leaving you!” I yell. I’m trying to find the right words but spewing all the wrong ones.
“Tell me! I want to hear you say it. Tell me the truth! Don’t be a fucking coward. Not now.”
I hold her gaze. I feel her slipping through my fingers, pulling away from me with each tick of the clock. I’m furious when I scream. “I fucking killed him! Is that what you want to hear?”
She stares at me blankly, blinking back tears.
“And if given the chance, I’d do it again.”
She spins around and heads into the bedroom, slamming the door behind her.
I go to follow her in, but the door is locked. “Lenny, open the goddamn door. Let me explain. Please, Poe.”
At first, I hear shuffling around behind the door, but after a few seconds, it grows eerily quiet.
“Poe!” I shout, I take a step back and barrel into the door with my shoulder. It bursts off the hinges, but I’m too late. The room is empty. The window is open.
“Shit!” I roar, racing to the door. I hear the roar of an engine and race into the middle of the dirt path just in time to see the tail lights of my truck as it turns onto the main road.
“Fuckkkk!” I scream, tearing at my hair.
I can’t fucking breathe. I can’t move. I’m sure I’m not even alive right now, there’s no way I can be, because my heart stopped beating the second I saw her standing behind me. The way she looked at me, as if I were a stranger when she’s the only one who really knows me. It’s like shards of glass have ripped through my chest and is now tearing up my insides.
Love shrapnel.
Because, that’s what this is, I realize. What I thought I wasn’t capable of. What I was too stupid to recognize before.
Love.
What they say about it is true.
It fucking hurts.
Love is a two-sided sword that cuts at every turn. I know this because Poe’s edges are sharp, and my heart is sliced to fucking shreds.
Chapter Twenty-Five
LENNY
I drive to Dre’s because she’s the only other person I know in this town. Right now, I miss Yuli more than anyone in the world. She’d know how to comfort me, and it would probably be really funny and involve her threatening castration or some sort of genital mutilation because that’s Yuli, and that’s what she does.