I watch him and he watches me, and in my head, I hear him saying, you are my own good. In the tingle of my lips, I’m feeling the heat of his mouth when he kissed me.
“All my life, men have had me, but I have never had a man.”
The barest of breaths sucks in through his teeth. A stillness passing between us like a fragile pane of glass.
“I am no man.”
“No. You’re more,” I agree. “Because no matter what I do, you cling to my skin and burrow into my conscience, and as angry as I am at you for that, I don’t want to lie to myself anymore. I am sick to death of repression. Of denial. Of holding back. After twenty damn years, I don’t want to tell myself no.”
“So don’t,” he says, practically cursing the word. “What do you want, Auren? Admit to me what you really want.”
There’s an internal compass inside of me that laid still for so long, stuck behind its arc of glass, listless and without hope. But it’s been spinning since the moment I left Highbell, begging me to follow my instincts. To move toward something better.
It’s time I start following that compass. I just didn’t expect for it to point to him.
My pulse pounds and my hands tremble, because when denial drains out of you, it leaves you shaken and scared. What are we without our white lies and protective walls? I’m laid bare, heart raw and vulnerabilities wrenched open, thoroughly ruined while somehow feeling inexplicably right.
Which is why I let that last wall tumble down when I look Slade in the eye and say, “You, Slade. I want you.”
Chapter 29
AUREN
Time crawls. With bent knees and flat palms, it skulks forward with a painful, pitiful drag, scraping at my nerves as it goes.
Slade stares at me, and an unbearable silence fills the spaces where seconds should be ticking by. It’s unfair how beautiful he looks just by standing there. Midas called him ugly, because he can’t fathom the perfection of Slade’s anomalies. The strange marks of power that root beneath his skin are striking. As are the thorns that sprout from his spine and the scales that dust his cheek when he’s in his other form. Every sharp plane of his face, every strand of tousled hair, every muscle sculpting his body is perfect.
Why did he have to be so consuming?
My life would be easier if he weren’t. But I’ve stepped too close to him and gotten caught in his quicksand. No matter which direction I go, I just end up sinking deeper.
My heart beats so hard that my temples throb, palms slicking up with nervousness as he continues to stand there, watching me.
I just told him I want him, told him bits of my life I don’t share with people, and yet...he’s saying nothing.
Finally, I can’t take it anymore. The silence, the scrutiny, the confessions lying at my feet like plucked fruit left to rot. “Are you going to say anything? I just admitted that I want you, and you’re just standing there.”
Slade blinks. “I was processing.”
“You process really slowly.”
His mouth hitches up. “What do you mean, exactly, when you say you want me?”
I thought I couldn’t be more embarrassed, but I was wrong. I wasn’t expecting this reaction, and it makes me feel...rejected. Snubbed. It hurts more than I can put into words. “You know what? Forget it.”
The second I move toward the door, Slade easily sidesteps in front of me, stopping me in my tracks. “You think you can say all of that to me and then just walk out?”
I shoot him an incredulous look. “Yes, because you’re not saying anything. If things have changed, if you don’t want me back, then…”
A frown tucks in, creasing in place between Slade’s brows. “Don’t want you? Is that what you think? You think I’ve been hanging around Fifth Kingdom because I’m excited to attend a ball?”
“I don’t know what to think!” I cry out, hands flinging up in exasperation. “I just said all of those things, and—”
“I’ve wanted you since the moment I laid eyes on you, Goldfinch. I was just waiting for you to catch up.”
My breath hitches to the steady gait of his voice, my gaze reined in to his piercing eyes. It’s everything I didn’t know I needed to hear. His words instantly calm
the turmoiled waters that were splashing around inside my chest, and just like that, my fear of rejection washes away.