But he’s not really that guy, either. I tell myself that as we finally make our way to the table. Carter had to stop and bullshit with people at three different tables before we made it to ours.
When we finally slide into our seats—the same side of the booth, with Cartwright and Brianna across from us—I lean in to Carter and murmur, “Do you think you’ll miss this?”
His gaze meets mine. “Miss what?”
I blink, figuring it’s clear, but I guess this is his normal. Gesturing around, I say, “The fanfare. The small town celebrity status. You’re a big fish here. When you go off to college, you’ll be in a significantly bigger pond.”
Stretching his arm around me and leaning back in the booth, he says, “Bigger pond just offers more room to grow.”
He’s so confident, so unshakably sure of his future. I’m confident in myself, but I wonder what it’s like to be like him, to literally have no doubts because you know there’s a safety net if you ever fall.
On one hand, I tell myself it’s better I’ll have to work for everything I get, that I’ll appreciate it more, but on the other hand, it really would be nice if things could just be easy for once. Nothing is ever easy for me, and everything is always easy for him.
We are such different people.
Our minds are in very different places, too, because Carter smirks and leans in to kiss the side of my face, murmuring, “You’re not already worried about me going off to school, are you?”
“What? No, of course not.”
“Kinda sounds like you want me to stay in the small pond.”
I shake my head, glancing down at the table. “Of course not. Columbia is an amazing opportunity; I know you’d never even think of passing it up. I don’t blame you. I wouldn’t either, if I were in your place.”
“Do you resent not having my opportunities?” he asks casually.
“Of course not.” Since he appears unconvinced, I add, “Remember, I’m going to stow away and come to New York so I can chase off all your potential wives anyway, so I’m sure I’ll see you around.”
I pluck a menu off the table and nonchalantly beginning to peruse it.
Chuckling warmly, Carter tugs me closer against his side, but doesn’t offer further comment.
The rest of the group-hang is uneventful. Carter gets more attention here and there, and Cartwright and Brianna behave as if I have always been part of their crew. It becomes pretty clear to me that Carter is shifting his favor to these two now because of their easy acceptance of me, their willingness to turn on a dime and welcome me into the fold after happily hating me before. Partially to reward behavior he likes, and therefore encourage more of it, but also to show the friends of his he’s currently leaving out how they need to behave if they want back on the inside.
It’s appealing, his ability to subtly shift and world and take what he wants from whomever he wants. I know I’m one of those things he subtly shifts from time to time, and I know it would be extremely unpleasant to fall from Carter’s good graces and suddenly be on the outside looking in, but that’s just who Carter is. High risk, high reward. I can’t pick and choose the pieces and parts of him I like and leave the rest. He is who he is.
It makes him scary, though. Carter isn’t going to be an easy man to trust, and he isn’t going to be an easy man to control. On one hand, I tell myself I should be glad I’m only dealing with the high school version of him, because all grown up he will be a force of nature for whoever has the bad luck of falling in love with him. But on the other hand… well, I’m not one to shy away from a challenge.
It’s pointless to think about, though. When he brought up him going away to school at dinner, of course I shot it down and acted as if it had barely crossed my mind. We’ve been dating for like three minutes; it’s entirely too early to worry about our future.
He complicated things, though, by deciding to take my virginity so quickly. I figured once I agreed to date him, I would have time to come around to it, time to figure out if there was even a remote possibility of a future—and if not, if I would be okay with that. As is his way, Carter yanked the reins out of my hands. We weren’t ready to move this far, this fast, but now we have, and the natural progression of our relationship is a bit topsy-turvy.
Carter brings me back to my car at the stadium and it’s just the two of us, standing here under the lights. As always, he invades my personal space, following me to my car and backing me up against it. I can tell by the way he lingers he doesn’t want me to go, but it’s late and I have to go to church tomorrow. Not quite as early as I would have prior to Grace’s overachieving tonight, but still.