I definitely can’t keep this to use against him. The way he talks, anyone reading this would think we’re involved in a consensual sexual relationship. It would hurt my case more than help it—especially his slick mention of me tasting him again. No sane, guilty person would refer to what he made me do in a love letter. It’s a he-said she-said situation, and without Shayne or Jake attesting to my unwillingness—which they never would—it just sounds like I willingly blew Carter. If anything, if I tried to speak out against the asshole, this letter would probably make me look more like a liar than him.
I want to throw it out, but I tell myself there’s a reason to keep it. A logical reason, not a shameful one. Maybe there is some scenario where it could prove useful, and I just haven’t thought of it yet. Just in case, I fold the sheet of lined paper and shove it under my mattress.
Then I curl up in bed and try not to think about tomorrow, and what it might bring.
Chapter 5
Just pulling in the parking lot of my high school is daunting today. I sit in the car for several minutes trying to gear up to show my face. It kills me. I haven’t done a damn thing wrong, and I’m the one who has to hide.
They should be hiding.
They’re not. I never used to pay them much attention, but now as I clutch my books to my chest and keep my eyes straight ahead, I see the jocks in their letter jackets, sitting on and around the stone half-wall in front of the entrance doors.
I feel eyes on me, but I refuse to look and see if it’s Jake or Carter. They can both fuck off, as far as I’m concerned. Shayne Sutton, too. They can all go rot in Hell together.
“Zoey!”
Even though that’s not one of them, my heart freezes and I look over my shoulder as my friend Grace grins at me and hurries to catch up. The last thing I needed was her to call out my name like that right in front of them and draw even more attention to me, but I know she didn’t do it on purpose. I love Grace, I love her bumbling obliviousness—she’s one of the few people willing to be seen with me right now—but she doesn’t understand what I’m up against. My fault, because I haven’t told her everything, but I didn’t want to stress her out with more of my mess.
As she approaches, she pulls her phone out of her pocket, beaming at me. “Wait up. I have to show you something!”
“Can we go inside first?” I ask, taking a step forward.
“It’s so beautiful out this morning, what’s your rush?” she asks cheerfully.
I don’t want to, but as I adjust my backpack strap on my shoulder, I glance over at the horde of jocks. As expected, I meet Carter’s gaze immediately. His lips curve up and he winks at me, so I promptly look away.
“Come on, Grace, you can show me inside.”
“Wait.” She holds her phone up in my face. I rear back slightly, then focus on the photo she’s showing me. It’s a picture of an adorable puppy in her backyard, its tiny puppy mouth closed around her thumb as he gnaws on her. “Is this not the most precious fur baby you have ever seen in your life?”
“Aww.” I flash her a smile. “He’s adorable. Is it a he?”
Nodding her head, she rubs her thumb over the screen. “His name is Scout. Isn’t he just the sweetest thing? Mom surprised me with him last night. I posted a picture online, but you must not have seen it. How come you weren’t at school yesterday?”
I head for the entry doors, expecting her to follow. “Bad cramps.”
“Oh, those are the worst. Last week—”
Before she can finish, one of the other guys from the football team calls out, “Hey Zo, why don’t you come on over here for a minute?”
I speed up instead. I can’t imagine Carter shared the truth about what he did to me, but having witnessed him in action the past couple days, I wouldn’t put it past him to tell a different version of the story and get ahead of it, just in case I did decide to talk. Tell them all some fallacy about how I went down on him because I like him, or because I was desperate to find some favor with everyone hating me for Jake, to turn me into a pathetic punch line—and a potential target to the other guys, who would think I’m easy if Jake and Carter have both had a go at me.
I hate Carter Mahoney even more than Jake Parsons.
Grace slows down behind me, looking back at the assembled group, then she hustles inside, pushing a chunk of wavy brunette hair behind her ear.