"Jess? I'm so sorry. I've been trying to reach you. I wanted to talk to you about it before I moved, but…"
"No, that's okay," she says, and I know she's trying to be brave. "It's incredible, Ethan. I'm so happy for you."
“Be happy for us, baby, okay? This opportunity belongs to us both.”
“Yes. I’m happy for us. Absolutely. I just need some time to get used to the whole thing. It’s…a lot to take in.”
"I know. I've known for over a week, and I still can't quite wrap my head around it."
“Yeah, no…I’m sure.” She’s got on a completely fake smile, I can just imagine it.
I sigh and lean my head on the kitchen table. “I wish I could hold you right now and make you feel better.”
“Me, too.” Her voice breaks, then I hear her take a deep breath. “But, we’ll be together again soon, I’m sure.”
“Yes, we will. You’ve got my number now on your phone, so you can call me anytime, okay? We can talk every day until we can see each other.”
“We don’t have a long-distance plan, so you’ll have to call me.”
"Okay. That's the first thing I need to do when I get paid. Send you a cell phone, so you can call me whenever you want."
“That would be really nice. Thank you.”
“It will be really nice because I’m going to do it.” My heart squeezes in my chest as I wish I could offer her more than just words. “Are you okay? I mean, have you been okay since I left?”
"Oh, yeah. I'm great. I started those correspondence massage therapy courses, so I've been busy with that. And I'm back at the diner now that the marina's closed."
I think of her waiting tables in that little skirt they make the servers wear. My fists clench with anger. I don’t want her there. I don’t want her going home to her awful mother. I want to get her out of her crappy life as soon as possible. “You won’t have to be there long. I’m going to make us rich, baby. You and I are going to live happily ever after, I promise.”
“Ethan…” she says, then she stops herself.
“What? Tell me.” My heart stills, wondering if she doesn’t feel the same way about me that I do her.
“Good luck out there. Be safe, okay?”
"Don't worry about me. I'm fast as hell, and I know how to keep my head up."
“I know.”
“You believe me, don’t you? That I’m going to get you out of there? That we’re going to get married?”
“I believe that you want to do both of those things.”
My heart sinks in my chest. “But…”
“But, if for some reason things don’t work out the way you want, it’s okay. I don’t want to hold you to some late night promises if your life is heading in another direction that takes you away from me.”
“Jessica, don’t say that. I told you, I’m doing this for us.”
“I know. Just, live your dream, okay? I’ll be here waiting,” she says, clearly trying not to cry. “I have to go. My shift starts in a few minutes.”
“Okay. I love you.”
“I love you, too.”
When I hang up the phone, I stare at it for a minute, replaying the conversation in my mind. I know what she's thinking. She thinks I'm through with her and the fact that I can't rush all the way up to Maine to prove her wrong is almost going to kill me. I rub my hand through my hair, praying I'm not trading my dream of being with Jessica for my dream of playing football.
Nine