I couldn't believe what she was saying.
It was one thing to just disappear before, but what about everything that happened? The nights we held each other, the mornings that we woke up in each other's arms? How could she act like all of it was nothing?
"I thought what we had was good," I said.
"It was. I mean, it was fun, but we both agreed it was just a fling right. Nothing more."
"Yeah," I scoffed. "A fling. Is that why you're avoiding me like the plague and disappearing without even giving me a fucking text message?"
"Don't be like that," she muttered. "You know I wasn't trying to hurt you or anything. My boss just needs me back now and she won't wait."
"You still could have said something to me," I snapped. "That's the point. You're making up a million excuses when you have your phone right in your hand. How long would it have taken to just text me?"
Joanne sighed. I wished I could get her to open up and say what was going on in that head of hers, but it was clear that she didn't want to do that. She wanted to shut down and shut me out. It made me want to both walk away and fight more. On the one hand, I was pissed. On the other hand, I wanted to know why she was doing it. I wanted to hear her say it.
"I really don't have time to do this," she said after a minute. "I need to go and finish up the paperwork to sell this place, and then I have to get on the road."
"Wait, you're leaving tonight? Like right now?" I asked.
She nodded. "Well yeah. I told you that I have to get back. My boss wants me back in Vegas in two days and I'll need to haul ass to get there. Sorry, I can't stay longer, but it is what it is, Peter."
I grabbed her arm as she tried to walk away. She glanced up at me and for the first time I could see how guarded she was, but there were cracks under the surface. She looked upset. I brought her closer to me and she let herself be pulled until she was against me.
"Jo Jo, please. What's going on?" I asked. "I know there's something so don't just say nothing here. Tell me what's going through your head so I can talk to you about it. What's the harm in staying one more night? Let's just talk about this and see what's going on."
She reached up and touched my hand as it cradled her cheek. I could see that she was wavering, but finally, she shook her head and I knew that she'd made up her mind. She removed my hand from her cheek.
"I can't do that," she said quietly. "I have a schedule to keep. It's not like I'm saying I won't talk to you when I get back home—"
"We both know you won't," I growled.
"That's not true."
"You did it last time so why would this time be any different? The way you're acting definitely isn't helping me feel like you're going to be yourself when you get back either."
Joanne sighed. "I'm not trying to cut you out. I swear I'm not."
"Then what the hell is going on? You're talking in circles and you're not even saying anything."
Joanne bit her lip. I watched as she glanced away and I knew I wasn't going to get anything else out of her.
Why is she acting like this?
We'd spent days together reconnecting and enjoying each other's company. And she'd even admitted that she felt bad for leaving me on my own before, so why was she doing it again now? I shook my head and stepped back from her.
"You've obviously already made up your mind," I said as I looked her over. "I get it."
"Peter," she said quietly. "I just…"
"Save it," I laughed. "I don't know why I let myself actually think you'd changed. You were selfish back then and you're selfish now. Nothing's changed."
I watched her eyes water.
My stomach twisted. I immediately wanted to take it back. I didn't want to see her cry, but it was the truth. Joanne always came first and she didn't bother to think about how her actions affected others. I was sure it was a trait that she'd picked up from her mother without even realizing it.
"Peter," she choked out.
I turned on my heels and left before I could say another word. I didn't want to hurt her and the only words I had left weren't kind ones. I'd rather keep them in my head than destroy her.