I’d done without her for seven years. Seven lost, wasted years. It didn’t even matter that the strain of her mother’s illness could have broken us up—her living in New York and being in Maine while Ellen recuperated, well, couples broke up for less stressful reasons than thousands of miles’ worth of distance…
A ping distracted me from my whirling thoughts.
That’s awesome news! OMG, I’m so happy. I can’t wait to see you, Coop. I miss you like mad.
Her text sent a shudder of delight rushing through me, and the smile on my lips felt like the first genuine one that morning.
I settled into my desk chair, stared onto onto my corner office. I’d received this in last year’s promotion package.
I had three windows, a glass wall that overlooked the floor ahead, space for a desk and a seating area, as well as a smaller cubicle with actual walls for Tiffany.
I’d reached some lofty heights here at Leviathan and Dronig. Could keep on soaring if I maintained the current projection, but the difference was, Lauren had knocked that projection totally off course.
I miss you, sweetheart. More than you know.
I sent it off, not expecting her to reply, but needing her to know that. She’d never understand how much I missed her because, deep down and without years of being a couple to back me up, she’d always be scared I’d cut and run. She’d always underestimate my feelings for her out of insecurity.
I realized then and there that I’d spend the rest of my life erasing that uncertainty.
She had no need to feel that way. No need at all, and I was the one who’d planted the concept. I hated myself for that.
With a shudder, I buzzed in my temporary PA and got to work the minute she traipsed in.
Even as I focused, I felt the ping in my jacket pocket, the ping that was unique to Lauren’s texts. It was hard not to answer, hard not to read what she’d said, but I tried to be professional.
Try being the operative word.
By the time Sarah was leaving, she was shooting me odd looks.
I wondered if I looked as jittery as I felt—ants in my pants in no way described how distracted I was at that moment.
I know it’s too soon to say this. I know I shouldn’t say it in a text. But, you need to know, Cooper. I love you.
For a second, I was struck dumb, and then I realized she’d opened herself up to me, and I’d wasted a good ten minutes with Sarah and then another five processing the text.
I’d told her I’d loved her back in Willow’s Hearth, and my making the first move hadn’t been as terrifying for me as it was for her.
Hating that I’d made her wait, my thumbs fumbled as I typed.
And you think I don’t feel the exact same way? These feelings haven’t gone anywhere, Lauren. And they never will. Do you hear me?
She replied almost instantly, telling me she’d been hovering over her phone nervously.
I can’t hear you, but I know what you mean. :P I’m glad I told you. I might be able to stop panicking now.
I’m coming home to you, babe. I promised her. The alternative wasn’t even an option.
A moment later, I received a simple <3.
I tried to get some work done but my focus was shot to pieces.
She’d always done that to me. At the start, I’d contemplated dumping her because of it. She made me think things, feel shit I didn’t want to feel. Not when my university education depended on my making excellent grades. Back then, I hadn’t had time for her, but I’d made it. I’d known she was it for me, and sacrificing my feelings for her had made me feel like a martyr some days. But I’d done what was right for her, and mostly, that had gotten me through.
I wasn’t willing to do that again though. I wasn’t willing to give her up and live a miserable half-life without her.
I had some major decisions coming up in the weeks ahead, and though I was unsettled by them, I knew that when the time came to make them, I’d be ready for it.
She was worth any sacrifice I’d have to make career-wise. Nothing else mattered, I was realizing, nothing save for the crazy magic we created when we were together.