“Ella, for fuck’s sake, this is the journal of a desperate man who has altered every future he’s seen. You have no idea how hard it is for me, as a visionary, to not take this seriously.”
My eyes fasten on hers.
“Until you can tell me you’d let Gage just die in order to save yourself, I’d suggest to stop talking unless you’ve got valuable input.”
Her lips thin.
“If he spent centuries seeing a changeable future play out the same way over and over—”
“If it’s a changeable future, then let me help him change it!”
The room quakes with my shout, and she groans while shaking her head. “Fine. Let’s get all the information before deciding on a logical course of action. But he’s terrified of you dying to save him, Ella. So don’t make him go through that.”
We stare at each other for a really long time, and the air grows heavier with each breath I take, even as I continue to battle back the overwhelming emotions clawing to the surface.
Glancing down, I see the line that merely aides Kimber’s argument.
Otherwise she’ll die. She always dies when that’s a variable.
A thousand and one times, you’ve watched her die. It’s important to keep pointing that out, because if you’re reading this, hope has niggled its way in, or complete hopelessness. You’re trying to think of a future you can both exist in, or you’re wondering if it’s okay to let go and die now because you’re so tired of the existence you’ve lived.
I look away from the pages, swallowing thickly and taking a calming breath. Then brave the pages again, as Kimber rubs a soothing circle on my back with her hand.
When you need reminded the most, you’ll start to remember, and then you’ll come here to remember it all. You’ll also realize why you don’t want to remember it for long, because the variables have to stay in this position in order to execute the carefully laid plans you’ve put into action.
You’ve loved her over a thousand different ways, but she can only know one. When the time finally comes, she needs to hate you so you can show her how much you loved her all along.
By letting her live without missing you too much. Without the loss tearing her apart.
And without her willing to risk it all to save you.
You’ll make them believe you want Hannah dead for the rings. But if she possesses your mate, she’ll truly be able to rule the world. You’ve seen it begin too many times, as I’m sure you’re remembering right now.
You’ll hide this journal. You’ll keep it safe. And you’ll find it when you find yourself questioning everything you think you know.
The best way to ensure you succeed in killing the demon is to learn the important parts on your own, finding the insignificant details that actually carry great significance after all. You’ve pragmatically extracted the memories to seal inside this journal.
You will not escape the prison, not until the appropriate night.
All five times you find yourself able to escape, you will not. It likely results in your immediate death, because you never see yourself in her path again, and she has to die because you’re not there. There’s no way you wouldn’t at least be there with her when she faced her death unless you were dead already.
“So all his visions centered directly around me, following my life from eighteen until I died, over and over, after he did whatever he did to tether his visions to me,” I say aloud, as though I’m finally processing that.
“The concentrated power it would have given his visions is an important factor in being able to watch the same future play out in a multitude of ways, while actively changing things to try and directly affect the end result,” she agrees.
You’ll wait until everyone can escape, and that’s the night you leave. Any sooner, and you won’t be alive or strong enough to stand in her place on the day she’s meant to die. Your torment ensures her future, and you’ll endure it for her.
You’ll work alongside her, but not with her. You’ll fight the temptation, no matter how hard it hurts. You’ll help her along, giving her the answers you don’t even know you already have, letting her discover the paths you want her to find.
She can’t know the truth.
When you let people into your mind, they’ll see the manufactured truth. As far as they’re concerned, you’re a broken man in desperate need of a peaceful rest in death. It’ll give her just enough hope, without ripping her to shreds when the light is extinguished, because in the back of her mind, she’ll know this was how it always had to end.
Your mind will continue to influence Alton’s mind, so long as you believe the truth you’ve created, instead of the truth you’re hiding.
You’ve done all the math. This is her best chance of surviving.
She’ll still love you, even if you manage to make her hate you.