“Let you down how?” he pries.
“I’d realize I was being used usually. I’m not naïve. Gullible, yes. Naïve, no. I can be duped, usually, but I catch on quickly. The ones who weren’t using me slowly grew resentful because of my success. Finding that medium is a hard balance.”
He purses his lips like he is thinking that over. “I’ll admit your success is intimidating, but I’m in no way going to ever resent you for being good at what you do. Impressed? Hell yes. But not resentful. And I sure as hell don’t want to use you.”
Slippery slope, here I come again. It’s not like I haven’t already figured out he’s in that middle area. I think that’s one of the many reasons Jax is a problem for me. But hearing him confirm and seeing the sincerity in his eyes makes it so much realer.
“You trust me?” he asks seriously.
“Yes,” I say immediately, almost wincing at how exposed it makes me feel. “You punched your own best friend. You… You were on my side. Other than Ruby, I’ve never had anyone on my side.”
His fingers pause their ministrations, and he adjusts so that he slides down and faces me, wrapping his arm around my body as he pulls me closer and puts us almost nose to nose.
“What about your dad? You seem close.”
I nod. “We are close. I’m close with my mother and sister and Shanna, too. But they always carve out time for me when it’s convenient for them. They also speak to me like they don’t care how it affects me. It doesn’t bother me, so don’t think I’m complaining. I’ve gotten used to it, because it’s just how they are. But it’s not how I am. And they team up on me. None of them are ever on my side. Mom and Dad team up, and Bora and Shanna team up almost always, even though they both talk smack about each other. Ruby… She’s always on my side.”
I blow out a harsh breath. “Real talk” is exhausting.
“I’ve never gotten serious with anyone because they don’t treat me the way I want to be treated. They treat me whatever way is easiest for them. I want to be the important one for once. I want someone to think of me instead of just themselves, because I always put everyone else’s needs above mine. I want them to agree with me and be on my side when it matters. It’d be nice to get that in return for a change.”
Why I just lay all that out there, I don’t know. But it’s out there, and he knows now why I like him so much. He doesn’t treat me like he treats everyone else around him. He’s actually not as nice as Bora once claimed.
He treats me differently. He thinks about how something will make me feel, even if he doesn’t realize he’s doing it.
He’s on my side.
That’s something new, and I love it. It’s also the main reason why I’m on that dangerously slippery slope.
“You deserve that,” he says softly, brushing his lips against mine, and I melt against him. “I’ll try to make sure I do things right,” he adds, chipping away that last bit of resolve I have left when he gives me hope for the future for the first time.
“You’re doing things right,” I whisper, letting him push me onto my back as his weight gently comes down on top of me and he deepens the kiss.
“Good,” he says, slowly pulling back to look into my eyes. “Because I’m not ready to lose this. We’ll figure out a way to make it work.”
And I’m done. Just like that, I belong to Jax Marshall.
I really hope he doesn’t make me regret it.
Chapter 36
BO
It was not normal to feel disappointed about not being asked back to his house after we landed in Sterling Shore. He had all sorts of things to do to get ready for a meeting the next day, and I’d literally been with him for almost every second of the past three weeks.
It’s not normal to get annoyed about the fact we won’t be able to see each other unless we want to spend the night with together, because right now, that’s the only way it’s going to happen for at least a week or so.
It’s not normal to feel irked that I haven’t been asked to sleep over.
Separation anxiety, maybe? You get used to having something, then you realize you can’t have it like you want it, so you handle it… I don’t know.
Most couples don’t start a relationship the way we did. It’s not like we’re ready to just start hosting nonstop sleepovers, even if we did just share a room for three straight weeks.
It’s not normal. Then again, we’re not normal. So our abnormal relationship is trying to transition to a normal relationship, and I’m struggling with it. Because I miss the bastard and it’s only been two days since I saw him.
Just to add insult to injury, I started my real period yesterday. Damn my week.
“Got your winter line ready?”