“Don’t you dare tell that story!” Mrs. Marshall hisses.
It’s too dark to tell if she’s blushing, but I swear I can feel heat radiating off her.
“Oh he has to now,” Dad says, grinning wickedly as he leans up.
Mrs. Marshall covers her face with both hands, and Jax continues speaking.
“So we found those little cutouts where you stick your head through character heads and take pictures,” Jax goes on, smiling and teetering on the edge of laughter again. “But they were meant for kids only. No adults.”
“Why are you telling this?” his mother groans, still covering her face with her hands.
Mr. Marshall snorts, barely holding in his laughter. Dad and I lean forward, wondering where this is going.
“So Mom bent over at a ninety-degree angle so she could stick her head through one. It took her a few minutes, but she got her head in the kiddy hole,” he continues, while Viv smothers her premature laughter behind her hand.
“I stuck my head in the second one, and Viv took the third, while Dad took pictures. Then suddenly, we heard a loud noise come from our mother’s ass.”
Jaxon Marshall Sr. chokes on his laughter, losing it to the point Jax has to pause the story while his father regains composure. Did Mrs. Marshall really fart?
“Her pants had ripped right up the ass,” Jaxon Marshall Sr. says, as his laughter hits a higher note.
I start snickering, but Jax isn’t finished.
“Being seven, I of course thought she had farted,” he tells us, and I giggle while Mrs. Marshall groans. “I started chanting, ‘Mom farted! Mom farted!’ Over. And Over. And over. But I didn’t realize her head was stuck in the hole.”
Viv bursts out laughing, and my eyes widen as Mrs. Marshall lays her head on the table and buries her face against her arm.
“No,” Dad says, chuckling as he shakes his head.
“People were walking by her from the front and the back this entire time,” Mr. Marshall decides to point out.
“I’m still chanting that she farted this entire time, never realizing she split her pants—”
“I realized it,” Viv cuts in while shuddering. “I got to see part of the red thong that wasn’t buried in her ass crack.”
Mrs. Marshall whimper-groans, while Mr. Marshall turns a peculiar shade of red, unable to catch his breath as his body shakes with his suppressed laughter. Tears literally form in his eyes.
Jax catches his breath enough to continue the story. “So Mom yells that she’s stuck, and Dad has to ask her what she said, because now I’m singing a song about the fact she farted, which of course has drawn even more attention our way.”
Dad’s laughter gets louder, but he tries to contain it, while poor Mr. Marshall looks like he’s going to suffocate to death if he doesn’t catch a breath soon.
“So Dad finally understands her, and he runs around the back to help her out. He takes one look at her ass and says, ‘Where the hell did those come from?’”
His impersonation of his father’s voice and face is priceless. I can actually picture Mr. Marshall getting a wide view of his wife’s thong-clad ass.
That doesn’t sound right.
Viv dies, laughing so hard she has to get up so she can double over and grip her stomach. Mrs. Marshall even snickers lightly at that, but she doesn’t lift her head. Mr. Marshall is seriously worrying me now that tears are leaking from his eyes, and he’s still laughing so hard that he can’t even make a sound.
He finally catches a breath, and it sounds like a donkey dying on the intake. That only causes Viv to start laughing harder, and Jax isn’t even finished yet.
“So Dad snaps out of it when Mom screams at him to get her out, and he starts trying to pull her out. He stood behind her and grabbed her hips as leverage. Think about that.”
Dad snorts, covering his mouth when the visual Jax just described hits him at the same time it hits me.
“This cutout was short, which is why Mom was bent over. So Dad’s head is peeking over the top at this time, while Mom’s is poking through the hole, and he’s tugging, and tugging, and tugging… It didn’t look like a family-friendly thing.”
My laughter comes out in a shrill pitch that surprises even me. Holy shit, I think I just cackled. Jax bends over, laughing too hard to keep speaking.