How the hell did I not realize sooner? Because I’m a selfish ass, that’s why.
Fuck it. I’ll get a whole new apartment with all new furniture. I don’t care if it costs me the rest of my trust.
I’m not inside my apartment for long before someone knocks, and I practically jog to the door. When I swing it open, my heart leaps to my throat, but in the next second it plummets to my feet with disappointment.
Those aren’t Bo’s eyes staring back at me, and Bo doesn’t stand that way.
“Bora,” I say through clenched teeth.
“Kudos to you for being able to tell us apart,” she bites out.
She glares at me before shouldering her way into my home, and I roll my eyes.
“Gee. Come on in,” I dryly state, turning to face her as I shut the door.
“I can’t believe I ever accused you of being too nice,” she growls.
“I can’t either. You must like them to be an extra big asshole. Oh wait. That’s right. You do, considering you were fucking Dixon.”
She scowls at me before pointing her finger at my chest. “You’re the biggest prick I’ve ever met. In fact, of all the sorry losers and assholes I’ve ever known—which is a monumental list—you’re the worst. How could you hurt her like that? Hurt Bo?”
When tears gather in her eyes, I lose a bit of my harshness.
“I fucked up. She won’t talk to me. That’s where this is going, so let’s cut to it.”
“She won’t talk to anyone. Hell, she works right beside me, and doesn’t say a word unless it’s work related. She has cut out my mother, my father, even Shanna. It’s like she’s suddenly unleashing years of pent-up resentment, and she’s done with all of us.”
My shoulders are heavy enough, so I’m not about to take the blame for all that.
“You think this is all on me?” I growl.
“Yes. Yes, I do,” she says simply, adding a nod for good measure.
Bo really is a fucking saint to have dealt with her for so long.
“I was just the straw that broke the camel’s back, Bora. I’ve barely even played a part in this. I’m just waiting on her to realize that. I know I fucked up, but not nearly as much
as all of you have. Right now most of the blame is on me, at least in her eyes. I’m the one she feels like betrayed her because she never expected it from me. I pushed her over the edge she’s been teetering on for who knows how long if she’s surrounded by you and people like you all the time.”
“You can’t blame this on me. This is all on you,” she argues, pointing her finger at me like that helps drive home her point.
“Ever think she was tired of being used by you?” I ask. “No. You didn’t. Why? Because you didn’t give a damn about her. You only cared that someone was doing all the bullshit for you because you’re a selfish brat.”
You’d think I just slapped her, and it makes me tense up. I’ve been trying to speak less lately, because my mouth cost me the girl. Last thing I need to do is verbally accost her sister. Because they’ll eventually make up.
I’ll be twice as fucked then.
To my surprise, Bora doesn’t argue.
“I know,” she says softly, then rolls her shoulders back and glares at me with the promise of more arguing. “I know I took advantage of her, but I’ve never used her. Everyone takes advantage of her.”
She says it as though it’s okay to do if everyone else is doing it.
I could argue with her, but I’m being good and keeping my mouth shut. Bo needs to speak up more, and I need to learn when to shut the fuck up and not say whatever rolls off the tip of my tongue in the heat of the moment.
“Bo always did everything when we were growing up,” she says, defeated. “Mom would spend hours meditating or reading about “self-discovery” when we were little. Bo learned to cook, clean, and everything else to be a little mother by the time she was ten. She never complained, and I thought she enjoyed it. She’d help me with homework, argue with me about bed time, and even cook our food for the day. You would have thought she was years older than me, instead of just a cool minute.”
My already aching chest almost turns inside-out.