It feels like something has just been ripped out of my chest, leaving me raw and heaving for air. I ignore it, because I’ll be damned if I feel anything for someone who doesn’t give a true fuck about me.
Fuck her. Fuck this. Fuck it all to hell.
Chapter 40
BO
“How bad was work?” Bora asks as I walk in, mindlessly kicking my heels off as I slowly go through the motions of putting my stuff away.
My heart? There isn’t one. It’s been annihilated so thoroughly that there isn’t a shred of it left. Or maybe there never actually was one, because I feel nothing. At all. No anger. No pain. No tears have fallen. Nothing.
All I feel is numb.
“Bo?” she prompts, standing up and coming to me as I walk toward my kitchen to get a drink. Maybe I can feel drunk.
“Are you okay? You look pale. Are you sick?”
Bora is grating on my nerves. Which is good. I can apparently feel annoyed with her.
“Bo, damn it. What’s wrong?”
I turn to face her and her red-rimmed eyes. She’s probably been crying all day over that user and that Dick. I snicker, snorting actually, and start laughing over my own joke before pulling out a bottle of wine from the wine chiller, even though I don’t really feel the humor. I blame it on exhaustion.
More confusion mars her face.
“Dad thinks you’re tougher than me. Look who’s crying. Look who isn’t.”
I make quick work of the cork, and Bora slants her eyes in confusion.
“Ouch. I did just endure a breakup. Shit isn’t kind.”
“Says the girl who has me break up with her boyfriends most of the time.”
She frowns while taking a wary step back. Wise girl.
“Dick was different and you know it. I cared about him.”
I snort again. Dick. He should stick with using Dixon. What guy willingly gets called Dick?
“Well, I cared about Jax, but you don’t see me crying,” I tell her flatly, emotionlessly, not feeling… anything at all.
It’s just a pit of nothingness that has folded over me, blanketing me in its promise of emptiness.
“What? Why the hell did you—”
“He dumped me,” I tell her before turning the wine bottle up. As soon as I finish a long sip, I face her wide eyes. “And I’m just fine. You should be fine too. So go home and be fine there, because I don’t want you here.”
The hurt in her eyes doesn’t even bother me. No guilt. No pain. No misery. Just nothing.
“What the hell, Bo? This isn’t you.”
“You mean the sister you constantly take advantage of?” I muse, smiling as I turn to face her. “The girl you can call to fix all your problems? The girl who gets stepped on and talked down to? The girl everyone thinks is so weak and pathetic, so they bully her? The girl no one ever listens to? No. I don’t think I want to be that girl anymore. I do want you to leave though. Time to deal with your own problems. They’re not mine anymore.”
She stands frozen to her spot as that gnawing pit of nothingness contains anything I might normally feel.
Numb.
Cold.