His brow knits together. “No. I expect to do a lot of groveling. I thought… I’d just go ahead and triple dare you to stay with me, since it’s still my turn.”
I don’t smile or even bat an eye, and he shifts his stance and frowns.
“I thought I’d ruin—”
I hold my hand up, silencing him.
“That’s the thing, Corbin. It’s always you. You always push me into wanting more, knowing I’m so weak that I can’t possibly refuse you forever. Because you know how I feel about you. How I’ve always felt about you. But then you hit a speedbump and turn it into an impasse. I’m so sick of it being all about you and how you want things to work.”
He actually looks confused, which doesn’t surprise me. To him, we’re only discussing last week’s horrific events. I’m talking about our entire existence.
“Ruby, I’m sorry. I don’t mean to—”
“I know,” I whisper hoarsely, barely able to draw my next breath. “The thing is, if I meant half as much to you as you mean to me, you wouldn’t be able to keep ripping me to shreds.”
I hiccup when the emotion gets to be too much, and a few tears slip out. His brow furrows, and I continue.
“I stood there in a house with my mother and my sister, watching as one fell apart and one bled almost to death. Yet you left me because you had your own shit to deal with. You couldn’t sacrifice your own feelings to help me. I know I’m tough, Corbin. I know I’m strong. I work hard to be that way, but even I need someone to wrap their arms around me after something like that. And I wanted to wrap my arms around you, too. We should have been comforting each other. Instead, you ran. Like you didn’t need me. Like it didn’t matter that I needed you.”
He takes a step back, eyes widening like I struck him, and the roses slap the porch when he loses his grip on them.
“You’re here to apologize for a text and running off. I forgive you for both. Because in your mind, we’re just friends. Even after all we’ve shared these past few weeks, we’re still just friends.”
“We’re so much more than friends,” he interjects.
Smiling grimly, I shake my head. “We’re really not, and we never will be. I have to cut you out completely because I can’t be just friends. Not anymore. Turns out that I’m not as strong as I thought I was, because you keep destroying me every time I give you the side of me that no one else ever gets. You make it look so easy when you walk away. I’m not enough for you, and you’re everything to me.”
I try to walk by him, but he grabs my arm, spinning me until I’m pressed against him. When his lips crash against mine without warning, my hot tears come out harder, and I shove against his chest. I wish he’d have punched me instead of kissing me. It would have hurt so much less.
“Don’t,” I choke out, looking away from him as more tears stream down my face.
“I’ve never, ever wanted to walk away from you, Ruby. I was stupid as a kid,” he says, sounding panicked and angry in the same breath. “I kept thinking there’d always be next time to make things right… To do things better. This time… Ruby, I shouldn’t have listened to her, but I did. I let her in my head, because she honestly believes it’ll happen.”
I have no idea what he’s talking about, but I’d put money on the she being his mother.
“I didn’t want you to lose yourself because of me, and I just needed a second to think it over. I needed a breath. But—”
“That’s the thing, Corbin. You needed to catch your breath, and I feel like I can’t breathe if you’re not with me. See the difference?”
“No. Fuck, no! That’s not what I mean. Ruby, I fucking love you. Understand? You’re it for me. No one else.”
The tears hurt when they come out this time, and my throat feels like there’s an iron grip around it. For so long I’ve waited to hear it, and he just ruined it.
“I know you love me,” I whisper, hiccupping out a sob. “But you’re not in love with me. You just don’t know the difference, and unfortunately, I do.”
He reaches for me again, but I dodge his attempt. He runs a frustrated hand through his hair, and I watch as tears form in his eyes.
“I am,” he promises, and I almost want to believe him. I want to risk it all. I want to throw myself into the fire and pray I don’t get burned.
But it’s not just about me. It’s not just about us.