“Still sounds ridiculous to me,” Maverick inserts.
“Anyway,” I say on a sigh, “I broke up with her so I could fuck around. And I did. But it wasn’t as much fun as I thought it would be. The sex was great, don’t get me wrong, but I kept feeling like it was wrong. So that next summer, I went back to her with a lot of experience under my belt in that short amount of time.”
“Hope you didn’t use that as a romantic gesture,” Jax says with a smirk.
I can already feel my ears burning, and I haven’t even gotten to the worst part.
“Funny,” I mutter dryly.
“So what happened?”
“We made out like teenagers do. All the time. It was hot, heavy, and there was always a lot of grinding. I repeat: I was fucking sixteen.”
I point a finger at Maverick when his lips curl up, probably already guessing where this is going.
“One night, things got really hot. We were in her room, her parents were out, and she suddenly started stripping. The second I got her on the bed, I was ready. Or so I thought. Turns out I was too ready, and I got off in my motherfucking jeans.”
Maverick coughs on a laugh, and then quickly covers his balls before clearing his throat. “Sorry. Go on,” he says with an expression of painfully suppressed laughter.
Bastard.
Jax has his shirt pulled up over his mouth, but I can see the smile in his eyes.
“Forget it,” I grumble.
“No!” they both say at the same time.
“Seriously,” Maverick says, “go on.”
Rolling my eyes, I shrug, trying to ignore the fact this is still humiliating to talk about. “It embarrassed the hell out of me, obviously. So I made up some bullshit about it not working. I can’t remember my exact words, but I’ll never forget the hurt in her eyes. I hurt her to save my pride. And I didn’t even really see the magnitude of that mistake, because I thought Ruby would always be mine. Arrogance and overconfidence… All that wonderful teenage shit.”
Maverick nods, his face getting more serious. “But then she cut you out for a while,” he interjects.
“Yeah.” I sigh and scrub my face with both hands, as though I can wipe away the stupidity. “I lashed out a lot back then. If I was embarrassed, I deflected and cut someone else down. Or I hurt someone to keep my ego intact. It was definitely fucked up, but it’s how I rolled. It cost me.”
A woman walks by, waving at the three of us on her way to the treadmill. No one engages, because they apparently don’t want me to quit telling the mystery story that has plagued everyone.
“And the last time?” Maverick asks as soon as she’s far enough away.
“The last time… I really, really fucked up. We were making out hot and heavy, and I knew I was about to make the same stupid mistake. It made no sense. By nineteen, I’d fucked more than enough girls to know how to hold off on that shit. But with Ruby, all bets were off. So…”
I can’t even believe I’m going to tell them this.
“So?” Maverick prompts, sitting on the edge of his seat like a little kid listening to a perverted bedtime story.
“So the next night, I jerked off.” He smirks, but doesn’t laugh. Jax coughs like he’s surprised, but I go on. “And I took several shots of liquor to make sure nothing went wrong.”
“What happened?” Jax asks, clearly just as into this story as Maverick.
We’re a fucking trio of chicks. Unbelievable.
“It worked too well. I couldn’t even get it up that night. Ruby noticed, and she was about to call me out on it. Once again, I was pretty fucking humiliated, only for an entirely different reason. It’s not like I could explain things to her. And I cut her deep that night. I said the stupidest shit I could, and I ruined any chance I had with her in that moment. I guess I was still thinking we’d put a bandage on it at some point and try again, but she was done. Even if she wasn’t, what I did the next night nailed my fucking coffin shut.”
They both stare, and I get a little sick at my stomach just thinking about her eyes on mine in that room. That night has haunted me for years.
I’ve never seen anyone look as disappointed, hurt, angry and destroyed all in one breath as Ruby looked. And it was all my fault.
It hurts just thinking about it.
“I left Ruby’s, but I ran into Chloe Macintosh. She was going to a frat party, and she kept insisting I go. I was pissed and definitely had something to prove, considering once again that my precious ego had been bruised. So I went. Chloe and I found a room, and I fucked her. No problem. No issues at all until halfway through. I was in the middle of rocking her world, and all I could think about was Ruby. I was on the verge of going soft when I heard something. Someone was in the room with us, so I turned around, and… there she was.”