I know exactly what I was thinking. I tried to convince myself that I could get the Sterling sparkle through makeup, hair, and clothes. It doesn’t work that way. I looked exactly the same, only I looked like the girl playing dress-up, and Leah called me out on it.
I still can’t believe I slapped her. But when she chased me, yelling over the music that Rye had no standards, that he was a horny dumbass with no brains, I couldn’t help myself. I could deal with her slamming me, but my temper exploded when she started badmouthing him. I deserved what she said about me, because I stopped being me tonight.
I’m trying to convince the world that it’s okay for Rye—a guy who couldn’t be sexier if he tried—to want me. Why am I doing this to myself? What am I doing with him? This isn’t me.
“You going to keep hiding? If so, can I hide, too?” Rye asks from behind me, and I laugh humorlessly while dropping to the sand. I waited too long to call a cab. Just my luck.
“It’s a public beach,” I say through a sigh. “It’s hard to hide out here.”
He smiles tightly while coming to drop down beside me. “The new will wear off and they’ll start talking about something other than us. They’re just excited right now.”
This isn’t the conversation I expected. It’s actually completely different, and I almost kiss him to thank him. But then he opens his mouth again.
“Brin, I want to be honest.” Bubble is popping, reality is coming, and humiliation is waiting to pounce. “I don’t want a relationship. I really like this thing between us and how great yesterday was, but I keep things simple. I don’t think you want something simple. You deserve a hell of a lot more than that.”
Oh. That’s the conversation I was expecting. And it sucks a lot worse than I thought it would. But I prefer the hard, cold, brutal truth, no matter how ugly it is.
“It’s fine, Rye. You can be honest. Don’t start trying to spare me by building me up and putting yourself down. I hate that speech. You keep acting as though I’m going to break every time someone makes me feel small, but I won’t. Never have. Never will. So stop.”
He smiles at me, and then he leans over and kisses me. He’s so damn confusing. His lips work against mine for a moment before his tongue slips in, and then he starts pulling me onto his lap.
“You think I’m lying?” he asks, slowly sliding the bottom of my dress up enough to put his hands on my ass.
Since I’m wearing the thongs, his hands find my skin, and I almost moan.
“I think you’re trying to keep me from getting my feelings hurt. Just like you always do. It’s sweet, but unnecessary.”
His tongue slips between my lips again, and he pulls me tighter to his body. “I’m not lying,” he says, barely parting his lips from mine. “I’m not sparing you. I’m telling you the truth. I’ve never done the relationship thing, and to be honest, I never cared. But you... I wish I could be that guy. I’ve been struggling with what to do all day.”
He takes a deep breath as his hand go to my hair, his fingers tangling in the threads, and his eyes study mine. Then he continues.
“But I’ll fuck up. I know I will. And then I’ll lose you. And I really, really like having you around. So I don’t want to make promises I can’t keep and have you hate me when I fuck up. I’m simple. You’re the girl who wants it all, and you sure as hell deserve it, Brin. I’m just not that kind of guy.”
He starts kissing my neck, contradicting his words. I can’t tell if he’s dumping me or begging me to tell him what he wants to hear. And he frigging claims to be simple.
So I do the only thing I know to do. I lie my ass off.
“I never had the chance to have fun, Rye. That’s all I want to do. I’ve only been divorced for a year, and I got married young. I’m not looking for a serious relationship. Have I said anything like that to you?”
He pulls back and stares me in the eyes again as he studies me under the moonlight.
“Are you being serious?” he asks after an eternity of silence.
“Very,” I lie again.
His lips almost bruise mine with the next hungry kiss, and my hands go to his hair. I’ve just thrown my heart into a blender. It won’t be long until the button is pressed and my heart is pureed. But I can’t just stop. Not when I’ve never felt like this with someone.
I don’t feel used. I don’t feel like a disappointment when he’s with me. And I don’t feel like the girl someone is passing the time with.
Even if it’s just an illusion, it feels like he wants to be with me as much as I want to be with him. And it’s hard to let go of something that I’ve always wanted to feel.
“Can we get out of here?” he asks, breaking the kiss and breathing just as heavily as I am.
“Please.”
He starts to stand, but stops, pulling me back down as he tugs at my dress. “And, Brin, don’t do this again.”
I have no idea what he’s talking about. “Don’t do what?”