Pretty sure I just got sick. I know I’m pale, and judging by the look he’s giving me, I think it appears like I’m close to passing out... Because I am.
“You love the hell out of my boy,” he says with a grin that touches his brown eyes—Rye’s eyes.
How does he know that?
“Why are you here?” I ask in an embarrassing, rasp whisper.
He motions toward a bench at the far corner, and I follow him, happy to sit before my legs give out. He waits for me to sit down first, and then he joins me as he stares straight ahead.
“My son is going to come after you. He won’t leave you alone. When he wants something, he usually gets it. But you can’t take him back.”
Weirdest. Morning. Ever.
“He’s not trying to get me back. He’s only trying to smooth things over between us so that we can be... um... friends again.”
I’m so not laying out the sordid details of my screwed up relationship with Rye to his father.
He smiles weakly. “Ethan called me this morning. Rye is breaking down. It’ll start soon. But until he’s ready to tell you everything—to completely open himself up—this thing between the two of you won’t work. So if you love him, you’ll make him break. Otherwise, you’ll stay in this loop—he’ll hurt you, you’ll cry, he’ll return, and you’ll take him back. It’s a vicious cycle. I’ve been in a loop of my own for years. You’re the only hope that boy has, and I want you to do what no one else can.”
What the damn hell is going on?
“What is that?”
He looks at me with tears in his eyes, and says, “Make him forgive himself and move on.”
He stands suddenly, and he leans down and kisses my head while I sit in a silent stupor.
“He loves you already,” he says on a sigh. But I know this. Rye just won’t admit it. He doesn’t want to love me, and that hurts worse than him actually not loving me. “But he won’t be strong enough to embrace it until he’s strong enough to forgive.”
Damn Miyagi bullshit. What does that even mean?
“You’re wrong. He doesn’t want to love me, and he’s never going to try. It’s not me. I’m not his one person. I tried to be. I wanted to be. But I’m not.” He wouldn’t be able to fight me if I was.
He swallows the knot in his throat as a tear rolls down his cheek, and my heart clenches at the sight. He doesn’t have to worry about me taking Rye back too soon, because I wouldn’t take him back even if he begged me. I’m ruined as it is. I’d be a shadow of myself if I went through this hell more than once.
“If his formative years had gone better, he would probably already be proposing to you, and none of this would be going on. Trust me. He loves you just as much as you love him. He came to see me on his own, and he talked. He didn’t just yell; he opened up and shared something that must have been killing him for years. That’s the first time he’s ever done that. He wants to move on. Until you, he’s never wanted to move forward. For the first time, he sees the future instead of just the past.”
I sit back as he leaves, but I don’t say anything. I’m so damn confused. What is it with the men in their family?
***
BRIN
As always, I avoid looking at Rye’s house, not even looking at it through my peripheral, but I don’t have to look over there. He’s on my front porch, standing as I walk up my sidewalk very slowly.
This day sucks.
“Hey,” he says softly, tucking his hands into his pockets as I near him.
“Hi.” The simple, short, clipped response is a warning to just go back across the street.
“Can we talk?” he asks as he comes closer, ignoring my warning tone.
I choke back a sob and shake my head as the tears try to fall.
He exhales a slow breath while coming to stand directly in front of me, and he takes both sides of my face into his warm hands as he tilts my head up to meet his eyes. Those browns aren’t icy anymore. This is the Rye I love. It’s also the one who I don’t want to be in this loop with, because I won’t survive it.
He tried getting rid of me that night on the beach. He tried warning me over and over. But I fought and lied and clawed my way into his life. Now I have to fight just as hard to step out.