“No. Kode, I’m sorry for what I said. That was the cruelest, most unfair thing in the world to put on your shoulders. It’s not your fault I went six years without confronting Dane. It’s sure as hell not your fault that I got uterine cancer and lost the ability to have children. I hate myself for saying that.”
I pat her knee, keeping my eyes low.
“But it was true that I’m the reason you two didn’t get together soon enough to have children.”
Her hand covers mine and squeezes it, a motion that used to mean something to me. Now it feels sisterly—the way it should.
“That’s bullshit. You know it. I know. Even Dane knows it. You started the snowball, but we let it turn into an avalanche. Even if we hadn’t, there’s a very good chance things would have eventually gone wrong back then.”
“Doubtful,” I scoff, knowing damn well how perfect they are for each other.
“Kode, Dane asked me to marry him after dating me for a very short period of time. And I said yes. If we had gotten together when we were eighteen, we would have gotten married just as fast as we are now. We would have probably gotten divorced just as quickly and destroyed our futures before our lives even really began.”
My eyes come up to meet hers, and she smiles sadly at me.
“What do you mean?”
“I mean that Dane and I ignored each other for six years because of one miscommunication. We were just too damn young for what we were feeling. As much as it pains me to admit this, you may have done us a favor.”
Guilt spikes my blood, and I shake my head. “Don’t do that. Don’t justify my actions.”
“Oh, I’m not. Believe me, it’s not that easy, Kode. I’m still royally pissed at you for what you did and for keeping it a secret. Doesn’t mean I had the right to dump the shit on you that I did.”
I move my eyes to meet hers, and I smile. I prefer it when people don’t sugar coat shit.
“Thanks for that. But I still feel like it’s my fault you didn’t have any kids.”
Another tear falls from her eyes, and she pulls out a picture that she holds with the back facing me. “Kode, if I had been able to have kids, then I might not have ever gotten this chance, because I would have been too busy to consider this.”
She hands me a picture of a small girl, and I study it with confusion. Sad blue eyes stare into mine with loneliness and longing. Her lips are turned down in a frown that looks too permanent on her face.
“Who is this?”
Rain sniffles and laughs while wiping her eyes as more tears fall. “This is Carrie. She’s five, and she’s currently in foster care. Her mother died of a drug overdose; her father died in a drive-by shooting; and she has no other relatives. Despite all that, no one will adopt her because she has a hole in her heart. In her case, it’s not a life-threatening thing, as long as she is cared for properly. Dane and your mother are in Louisiana right now, doing all they can to expedite the entire adoption process.”
My eyes go wide in shock. Hell, Dane didn’t even tell me he was leaving the state.
“Rain, that’s incredible.”
She hugs me, and I wince when I think of the Noles sister I want to be hugging. As she draws back, she wipes her eyes again.
“I know. Most people don’t want a child that has any medical condition. This was a sign, Kode. She was made for us. Elizabeth had a friend call her and tell her about Carrie’s situation. She told Dane, and from there, everything went into action quickly. Dane and I fell in love with her after meeting her on Tuesday. We had already decided we were adopting her, but I just had to meet her. I flew back that night, but Dane stayed in Louisiana with Elizabeth.”
I look over the picture again, sitting back and staring at my future niece. It’s amazing, really.
“Go to Tria, Kode. Don’t waste six years making stupid excuses.”
Her comment draws my eyes up, and I see her tight expression as I breathe out heavily.
“I’m fighting for her, Rain. I really am. I’m just trying not to push too hard too soon. My biggest fear is losing her forever.”
She stands and stares down at me. “The longer you wait, the more convinced she’s going to be that you’re not in love with her. So go. Before she builds a wall around herself that you won’t be able to penetrate a second time. She’s in a lot of pain right now. I’m fairly positive she’ll never allow herself to go through this again if you wait too long.”
Cursing, I close my eyes and search for answers inside my scrambled mind.
“And, Kode?” Rain says, her voice a little sadder again.
I open my eyes, staring expectantly, and Rain continues. “Give her back Edward’s letter. She needs the closure whether she realizes it or not. I know I didn’t demonstrate it very well, but I’m glad I read it. It’s done now. As long as that letter is out there, she won’t ever have the closure she needs.”