***
Cancun
"You're sure about this?" Dane asks, kissing my neck as my body arches under him, moving to find his touch.
I've never been more certain about anything in my life. I've spent a week in paradise, and I want to leave with the best memories possible before my whole life changes. The surgeries, college, moving to New York, being stranded from my best friends... It's all happening so fast.
"You're the only person I trust with this," I say softly, doing well not to scream out my love for him.
His shaky breaths find my chin as his lips just barely brush mine, teasing me, and making me want more.
"We can wait," he says with a tremble, possibly trying to back out now that he's had a minute to really think about this.
"No," I whisper, pulling him closer as the party below us rages on, the sound carrying through the open balcony door. "I want this before I go... before I..."
My words trail off. I can't say it. Instead, I pull his hand up, drawing every bit of courage I have, and then I put it over my right breast. His breath hitches in his throat, and he stays frozen against me. I'm sure I'm making this awkward, considering how completely inexperienced I am, but I can't do this with anyone else.
It's really hard not to let some sound of pleasure escape. Dane Sterling is touching me.
"I won't be able... the feeling will be different, almost numb," I mumble, blushing from embarrassment. "I want to be able to feel someone's touch—just to know what it would have been like. I get it if you don't want to do this with me because—"
My words are cut off when his lips rush mine, surprising me with the breathtaking kiss I wasn't anywhere close to being prepared for. Even my fantasies suddenly pale in comparison.
As his tongue sweeps between my lips, I let out a girly moan, trembling as he presses himself against me to let me feel how much he's actually enjoying this. This is real.
His hand slides up my shirt, ready to fulfill my request, and I moan in anticipation as he touches the part of me I won't have next week. It feels so much better than I imagined—so much better.
"If you need me to stop or slow down, just s
ay it," he whispers against my lips before reaching down to the hem of my shirt and pulling it over my head in a slow, gentle motion, letting his lips touch mine again before the shirt is fully gone.
I don't want to go to college and let someone I don't know have this piece of me. I don't want to wait until I can't have the full effect. I want it all, and I want it with the boy I love and trust the most.
"You're not going to hate me after this, are you?" he asks, kissing me at the corner of my mouth as his hand slowly finds my right breast again, making that strangled moan slip free.
"I could never hate you," I whisper, struggling to breathe. "We'll be friends—like we are now. It's just one night. Please, tell me we'll still be friends."
A slight haze forms over his eyes, and for a second, I almost think it's disappointment. What have I done wrong?
I start to question it, when he says, "Always, Rain. You'll always have me in your life."
I smile, feeling myself relax in his arms, and he pulls me close, gently nipping at my skin with his lips, stroking the soft flesh with his tongue, and gripping me tightly to him as we prepare to surrender this once.
This will more than likely be my one and only night with the boy I've loved since I was thirteen. I'm damn sure going to enjoy every second of it.
***
Fall Farewells
I kept hoping our one night in Cancun would somehow make Dane fall in love with me, but nothing has changed—just as we both promised it wouldn't. The next day, I woke up in Dane's arms, but it was the same as all the times before when I had woken up in his arms.
He didn't lean down and kiss me the way he had the night before. Instead, he had kissed me on the cheek. Like a friend.
It wasn't anything like I'd seen in the movies where the girls scream, flail around like crazy fools, and then huff and puff before passing out, but I felt... alive. For the first time in my life, I felt connected to the world instead of like I was just floating.
I'd give anything to feel that way again.
I've had three reconstructive surgeries so far. Fortunately, it's nothing as terrible as what I had originally imagined. The scars are gradually fading, my chest looks almost normal, and though they're not as sensitive as they were before, my breasts still have feeling.