"I'm fine. I'll go talk to Raya about going. See you then."
I hang up before he can argue with me, and then I quietly head up the stairs.
She's been in her room all day. All day. I really messed up by being all over her in the bed this morning, because now I've gone and made things weird between us.
I was going to drop it. In all actuality, it's smart. Relationships get messy, complicated, and very distracting. Raya is already a tad bit of an addiction. What happens if I get more than just a taste? Because that kiss has had my mind wrecked all night and all day. A kiss. A simple, motherfucking kiss is driving me crazy. What happens if we do more?
But unfortunately, I have to have more. Stupid? Yes. Rational? No. Practical? Not even a little. But I can't help myself because I can't think about anything but her right now. So... screw it.
I pause at her door and take a deep breath before barely knocking on it.
"Yeah?" she says, sounding tense.
I knew she was avoiding me.
"Raya?" I ask, stepping through the door, and suddenly I feel like a fourteen-year-old in front of a pretty girl at a school dance—awkward and uncomfortable.
I should have my manhood revoked.
"Yeah," she says, her eyes moving to the book in her lap.
She's back to cold Raya. I don't like cold Raya as much as I like carefree, flirty Raya.
"You okay? You haven't come out of your room all day. Did... is... does this have anything to do with this morning?" Great. Now I've developed a stutter. Where the hell have my balls gone?
She seems to think about it for a minute, and then she stops short of rolling her eyes.
"I don't know what you're talking about. I have to finish reading this for class. The only thing that happened this morning was you woke up and took a shower. Beyond that, nothing else happened."
Liar.
This whole thing is making me nervous and unsure of myself. I miss my confidence. What's she doing to me?
While pocketing my hands, I look at the floor, hoping that helps me sound like an articulate man instead of a squirmy boy.
"You... Look, I don't know why I was spiraled around you or why you're pretending you didn't notice, but we can't make this awkward. I apparently like the way you feel when I sleep. No big deal."
Yeah, so it's a lie—a pathetic one at that. But if she can lie, so can I. Right now I just want this irksome tension gone.
"Kade, I really do have to read this. As for you liking the way I feel when you sleep, I honestly have no idea what you're talking about."
She smiles up at me to sell her lie this time. If she wants to play like everything is okay, then I'm going to make sure it really is okay. Taking a chance, I go to drop down on her bed.
"New sheets?" I ask, feeling the clean, soft fabric beneath me. How does it already smell like her? Damn, it smells good.
"Two strangers were in my bed, so yes. New bedding all around."
I could have sworn that was Ember.
"It wasn't Ember in here?"
"Ember is still a stranger. I just met her Friday. I only invited her because she's one of the few people I've met who wasn't making fun of me."
She's snippy, guarded, and totally icy right now. The Raya I had last night is a rare gem. The Raya in the bed is a distant person with too many walls.
"You're different today," I murmur, desperate to get back the Raya no one else gets to see.
After I pull my phone out, I scan through the numerous pictures I took last night, landing on one of her that makes me smile immediately. Then I send it to her, ready to remind her how beautiful she is when she doesn't have a shield wrapped around her.