I decided to shift the topic in a different, lighter direction. "What's a blue blaze?"
He moved in closer, almost too close. He had one arm just centimeters from my back as it propped him up. His other hand lay across his lap.
"It's ancient magic. Most haven't seen it since the age of Isis. I don't know how I was able to do it, and like I said, I've never been able to do it since. It's the strongest blaze there could ever possibly be. It burns a thousand times hotter than the average blazer's fire. It was the strongest and most powerful I've ever felt in my life. Believe me, I wish I knew how I did it. I've tried recreating it a thousand times at least with no luck."
I reached over and grabbed his hand that was laying in his lap, finally succumbing to my desire to comfort. I wasn't sure if I should say anything else about it, but at the same time, I didn't want him to think I didn't care.
"What happened to your sister?"
He stared at my hand that was holding his and he rubbed my fingertips with his thumb, casually caressing them as he became lost in thought - lost in his memories.
"After I went super blaze, the other essence thieves ran away. We raced back to the house. They were in the process of draining her essence when I killed the one doing it. The others took out the dark ring left at the house. My mother died trying to protect my sister. My sister lived though, and now she's a very powerful electric."
He stood to his feet abruptly, startling me a little, and then helped me up. He walked me over to two statues - a man and a woman in a fighting stance.
The man was a blazer who looked to have fire radiating from his hands. The woman was a flooder with water circling above her head. He spoke very softly as he stared intensely at the two statutes.
"This is my mother and my father. Any follower of the light who is killed and can't be buried has a statue built here. It's a way to remember their sacrifice and a way to be close to them. I often come here when I need guidance. It's the only way I can be close to my parents. Oddly enough, I even find myself asking them questions or telling them how well we're doing. I want them to know their sacrifices weren't in vain. I want them to know my sister and I are alive everyday because of them and what they gave up."
I put my hand on his shoulder, aiming for comfort again. "I'm really sorry. I can't imagine what you've gone through."
It sounded so cliché to say such a thing, but it was all I had handy. I wasn't expecting this heavy conversation to come raining down. He was so amazingly honest. It was refreshing.
He smiled down at me. "The Corpus family took us in after my parents' deaths. Iris was going to invite my sister and me to join her coven, but the Corpus family needed us more. They had a couple of blinders and a few weaker blazers. I knew we would have better protection with your grandmother, but I felt like my family would have wanted me to go somewhere where I was needed more. The heads of the families asked me to be a part of the militia later on, and the rest is history. Although now, I almost wish I had chosen Iris's coven. I would've gotten to spend a lot more time with you."
I could feel the red burning on my cheeks while I dropped my hand from his shoulder. "Ha, ha, ha. I can assure you I'm nothing fantastic."
He squinted his eyes at me and smirked slightly as he spoke with fiery intensity. "On the contrary, Aria, you're fascinating. You're so different from anyone I've ever known. You shouldn't be so hard on yourself."
Now I knew he could most certainly see me blushing. I pushed him slightly in a playful manner. “You're smooth. Definitely smooth."
He laughed. "You haven't even seen my A game yet."
I shook my head, accidentally giggling. Then he grabbed a hold of my waist and pulled me toward him. "I'm serious though. You're so different from everyone I've ever known. I've never felt so... compelled to be around someone the way I am you. I don't know how to even explain what I'm feeling. I don't know how to explain how truly mesmerizing I've found you since the moment I met you. It's certainly new to me. And I don't mind feeling this way either."
No. No. I couldn't do this. I loved Tallis. He was an insensitive jerk who didn't answer my calls or even bother to send a message, but I loved him. He didn't love me and we'd never be together, according to him, but I couldn't just give up. I knew he was meant to be with me.
I knew Jared was being serious, but I was trying to lighten the mood as I awkwardly joked, "Well, I can see you're starting to bring out your A game now."
I started to wriggle out of his grip as I chuckled nervously, but he didn't back away, nor did he laugh.
He put a hand against the side of my face and caressed my cheek, letting his heated touch stroke me all the way through my skin. He started coming in closer, and all I could think about was Tallis, how it felt like a betrayal.
It took all my strength not to wail out, sob until I choked on my emotion, but I refrained. I even managed to hold back the sniffle that almost escaped.
I didn't want Jared to be my first kiss. I wanted my first kiss to be with Tallis, but at the same time, I did feel some freaky connection with Jared. Was I just vulnerable? Or was I simply pathetic?
In all actuality, Tallis didn't want me. Jared did. Why couldn't I move past the one who ripped my heart out?
My head was riddled with confusion and worry. I knew it would only hurt him, but I couldn't in good conscience kiss him, even if it would spare him. I couldn't lead him on when I knew I was in love with Tallis.
Still, it would be so much easier to be with Jared. He wasn't fighting his feelings for me. Life apparently didn't wish to be easy.
Knots tightened in my stomach. I dreaded to end our intimate moment that had only just started. I worried he wouldn't understand.
"Jared... I can't do this." I put my hand on his chest and started pushing him away gently. "I'm so sorry."
I wanted to say more. I wanted to explain things better. I didn't want to hurt him, but it was just so hard to find the words, especially when I was strangling on my unshed tears. All the pain I had been ignoring was starting to crash down on me, begging me to let it flow out. I could do it though.