I walked over to the nearest chair and sank down into it. My hands trembled as I laid then flat on my knees. Deep down had I known? Had I truly ignored this and let myself continue falling in love with him? Had Gran known about this? Was that what she sent me to that house for? How could she not have known if she kept Keerly? Why wouldn’t she just have told me? If she had known I was going to meet Saul and fall for him, why wouldn’t she have done more than send me to that house? How was I supposed to figure that out on my own? She couldn’t have known. Gran wouldn’t have been okay with it. I knew her and this would not have been okay with her. She would have called him out on it. I know that.
No, Gran hadn’t sent me there because of Isla and Saul. This was something she had missed. This small town had more secrets that even Gran had known.
“Isla Evans,” I said aloud and lifted my head to see Rio sitting on the sofa. His elbows on his knees and his concerned gaze on me. “Her name is Isla Evans. Her daughter’s name is Keerly.”
“You knew about it?” he asked me.
I shook my head. “No, of course not. They were on my list of things to do. I had to take Keerly my Gran’s scarves. Gran used to babysit her on occasion. They go to Gran’s church. She was such a nice lady. When I saw her with Saul, I told myself it was innocent. How could it not be?” I asked and a sob rose in my throat.
“Damn him,” Rio cursed and stood up to walk over to put his hand on my back. “I am so sorry, Henley. I should have told you sooner. I just didn’t think it was still going on and I didn’t see a reason to throw Saul’s past in his face. I have enough shit in my past I want to leave there. I was respecting it. I didn’t know this.”
I sniffled and wiped at my tears. “It’s not your fault. You did tell me to be careful. You weren’t the only one. I chose to love him or maybe I couldn’t stop myself from loving him.”
“Do you want me to stay here with you in case he comes over?” Rio asked gently.
I shook my head. “This isn’t between you and Saul. He’s your best friend. I won’t be the reason that ends. I think, I think I’ll call Hillya. Go stay there for the night. Just to give myself some time before I face him.”
“Henley, this is going to come between us and you can’t stop that. I can’t look at that motherfucker after this. He had a chance to change things and he didn’t do it. I can’t forgive him. Not for this. Not this time.” Rio’s voice was hard and the anger was back.
“Please don’t do this. You don’t have to tell him you told me anything. Act like you don’t know. Just continue like you were. I will handle the rest. This is between Saul and me.”
Rio shook his head. “No. I’m sorry, but I can’t.”
“Rio, I’ve been your sister for a little over a month. He’s been your best friend for six or seven years,” I argued.
“It’s not just that we are related. You were good for him. You were better than he deserved. He was happy with you. He fucking smiled. Saul doesn’t smile. He is rarely happy. You changed it for him. He had a chance at something more. Then he does this shit? It’s like he’s punishing himself for something. He won’t let himself be happy. He’s as messed up as his mother.”
I thought about that. Was he refusing to be happy? Had he gone to Isla to ruin us because he didn’t feel like he deserved it? I stood up and looked at Rio. “Maybe that’s it. Maybe he is punishing himself. I don’t know and I will never know. I thought I could be the one to fix him but instead he broke me.”
Thirty-Nine
When I had called Hillya to ask if I could stay with her tonight, she hadn’t even asked me why. The raspy sound of my voice from the crying probably kept her from asking. She opened her door before I could knock and her worried gaze studied me then she stood back and waved her hand. “Come inside. Make yourself comfortable in here and I’ll make a pot of tea,” she told me.
“Thank you,” I said.
“Of course. I’m always here and I’m glad you called me,” she replied. Then she hugged me. “I didn’t get to be there for your other heartbreaks in life but I am here for this one. Whatever it is.”