“I didn’t at first,” I told her.
“Then how… who?” she asked, still searching my face for answers.
I didn’t want to bring up Rio yet. “I found my mother’s old letters in my gran’s attic. They were written to a guy named Rebel. He was also my father, or at least reading the letters it appeared that way.”
Hillya stood up from the stool and wiped her hands on her apron. “I should have told you. Honey said I could if I wanted to.” She gave me a sad smile. “The letter she sent me. She said, well, would you like to read it?” Hillya asked.
I nodded. “Please,” I replied.
Hillya walked over to the front door and locked it and turned the sign to closed. Then she walked to the door leading to the back. “Come with me, Henley,” she said then went through it and I stood up and followed.
I had never been in Hillya’s office until this moment. The door had been open at times and I had glimpsed inside from a distance, but this was my first time actually inside it. There were several photos around the room, a round rose-colored rug, a large white chair and ottoman and fresh flowers in a vase.
“Here,” Hillya said, taking a letter from her desk drawer and handing it to me. I held it a moment, recognizing Gran’s handwriting before opening it up.
Hillya,
If you are reading this then I am gone. The girl who brought it to you is our granddaughter, Henley. She is bright, talented, intelligent, and a human being to be proud of. Just as I hold regrets for the things I never told her, I also leave this world with regrets for not forcing my daughter to give you the opportunity to know your granddaughter. It was a disservice to you. It was wrong and something I will stand before God and answer to. Please forgive me. I made mistakes out of fear that Henley would be kept from me if I didn’t follow her mother’s demands.
Henley is here for the summer to complete a list of things I asked of her if I didn’t survive. She’s a talent in the kitchen. She makes the best gluten, dairy, and nut-free sweets you’ve ever eaten. And she makes these fancy bowls with her own homemade granola the kids are all about these days. Hire her. Let her update that menu of yours and get to know her. Right the wrong done to both of you.
I want her to know she comes from a line of strong women. Love my girl for me and I’ll be sure to give your son a big hug when I see him.
Honey
I closed the letter and blinked to clear my vision as the first tear rolled slowly down my face followed by the next one. I wiped them away and held the letter out to Hillya. “Thank you,” I said hoarsely.
“You keep it,” Hillya said.
I nodded and sniffled as I tucked it into my shorts pocket.
She stepped around the desk and picked up a frame as she did. Then she walked to stand in front of me and handed it to me. “This was your father,” she said.
I wiped at more tears as they spilled onto my cheeks then took the frame and stared down at it. He was older than the photos he had been in with my mom but not much older. He had facial hair in this one.
“From the day he was born that boy had me on my knees in prayer. Never a dull moment, never a moment’s peace, and he if it wasn’t for that charming smile of his, I think he might have killed me.” She said this with fondness and love in her voice. “You have his smile. It was the first thing I noticed that day. After I read Honey’s letter, I wasn’t sure my heart could take it. Having you here as a reminder of all I had lost. But then you smiled and, in that moment, you looked just like him. It was the first time in twenty years I had seen his smile.”
This time she was the one reaching up to wipe the tears from her face. Thinking she might be my grandmother and knowing she was changed things. I wanted to study her more, listen to her talk, I wanted time with her. Time I had lost. Time that was taken away from me by my mother’s selfishness.
“I should have told you and I am sorry I didn’t. I just didn’t know how and I feared you may leave. I didn’t know what your mother had told you about your father and I worried you might not want to be here if you knew. Every time I thought about telling you, I backed out of it. I was just getting to know you and I didn’t want to lose you.”