He looks up and those blue eyes hold mine with so much honesty and need as he whispers, “Don’t you know? You’re my what-if too.”
My skin sizzles with the promise of an us. This is the reward for speaking the truth. A big, beautiful reward. “Good,” I say.
“You’ve got to know I want another chance with you. It’s why I asked you out tonight. I’m desperate for this. For us. But I also care too much about you to mess up your work. I’m so happy you’re seeing someone, that you’re treating all this as seriously as recovery.” Grant draws a deep breath, then his lips curve into a grin and he shrugs playfully. “But on the other hand, if we don’t fuck tonight, I think I might die . . . so can you please make this whole-cock-or-no-cock decision for us?”
I laugh, tempted, so damn tempted, to pull him against me. To kiss the breath out of him right here. To thank all the lucky stars that he’s willing to brave my imperfections, to gamble on my flaws. To take a chance on me. I’m not going to squander it, and if Grant wants me as I am, then I want him too. “Seems like the decision’s been made. I refuse to let you die. You get the whole cock.”
“Thank God. I want the cock, the whole cock, and nothing but your cock,” he says, relieved, then a wicked glint crosses his eyes. He takes out his phone, clicks on a folder and shows me his test results. “Negative.”
I do the same. “Negative too. We better be going bare.”
“Mmm . . . yes.”
“Can’t wait,” I murmur, and once again, we might set the place on fire.
Good thing the waitress swings by and asks if we want a refill.
“Just an iced tea for me,” I say, grateful for the distraction.
“Diet Coke,” Grant says, and when she brings them by a minute later, I take a drink. “I want to hear more about you. What you’ve been up to. I have to say, I was really proud of you last night. For your award.”
“Thanks. That means a lot to me.”
“I kept thinking, too, that when I met you, you were like a cub.”
Grant rolls his eyes. “Gee, thanks. Just what I’ve always longed to hear.”
“Come on. You were a rookie in every sense. You were bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. But look at you now,” I say, gesturing to the man next to me.
Grant sits a little taller, straightens his shoulders a little more, knocks back some soda. “What do you see now?”
“I see a champion. I see a businessman. I see a friend. I see a family man. Most of all, I see a leader,” I tell him earnestly. “I see a man who had a dream. I see a man who put some things aside to make that dream come true.” Another drink of the iced tea, then I add my final thought on who Grant Blackwood is. “And when I see that man, all I can think is, my God I like that man so much.”
Trust. That felt like trust. Like what Carla was getting at. Putting yourself out there and trusting the other person won’t stomp on your heart.
Grant doesn’t seem like a heart stomper.
“You,” he says softly. “You and me.”
“Me and you.”
His eyes hold mine. “I told you what would happen if we were together again,” he whispers.
I remember his words in my apartment perfectly. But I want to hear them anew from his lips. “What would happen?”
Grant sets down the glass, his blue eyes sparking with something entirely new, but something wonderfully familiar too. He looks at me like he did once upon a time. But he also looks at me in a whole new way, like maybe it’s our moment. “That I would fall for you again,” he says.
A greedy, needy sigh escapes my lips as I gaze at the only man I’ve ever loved. I want to wrap my hand around the back of his head, pull him close, kiss him soft and tender, so that everyone could see he belongs with me. Only me. “So fall for me. Because I’ll be doing the same for you.”
“Sounds like a deal.”
What it sounds like is a second chance.
Then it sounds like the sexiest night ever is about to begin when Grant lifts an eyebrow, his lips curving into a dirty grin as he inches closer. “To answer your question from earlier, I do have more ink. Want to see it?”
As the waitress sails by, I hold up two fingers and call out, “Check, please.”
27
Grant
With Declan in the passenger seat, I pull away from the curb. This is why I took my own car tonight.
I can be our getaway driver. We don’t have to worry about some Lyft driver recognizing us on the way to my house. It’s just easier this way till we figure shit out.