She sounded optimistic, but I could only see my body parts being shipped off in FedEx boxes, my papa’s coffin, and, if I survived this, a world to traverse on my own. My stomach tightened. A burn stung the backs of my eyes.
Compassion filled her gaze, her hand on the knob. “Just remember . . . you have a goddess inside you.” She stepped into the hall and turned to look at me. “You just have to find her.”
strikhedonia
(n.) the pleasure of being able to say “to hell with it.”
I sat in the library behind my desk, an unlit cigar in hand. I refrained from smoking it because my brother occupied the couch with a sleeping Kat. They were always welcome, uninvited or not, but I found myself
irritated by the timing.
Silence held steady in the room with his cool eyes on mine. I knew he had something to say, and I knew what it would be about, but still, I waited.
“There’s a naked girl tied to your guest room bed.”
My muscles tightened, revolting against the idea he saw her naked—an odd reaction considering I’d never minded sharing women before, not with my brother or anyone else. But I forced myself to lean back in my chair and say, “She’s my pet.”
I assumed the uncomfortable feeling originated from the fact I was the one who caught Mila. I put all the work in. I didn’t want anyone else to see her misery. It was mine.
“Your pet looks like a Mikhailov.”
“That’s because she is.”
“Her papa didn’t give in to your demands?”
I trimmed the end of the cigar with my cutter. “He did.”
He watched me with those inquisitive eyes. Christian—or rather, Kristian as I knew him—had always been able to see more than he should. It was annoying as fuck.
“So why is she still tied to your bed?”
My gaze narrowed. “She’s my pet.”
He looked away from me, obviously seeing everything he needed to. “You’d better make the trade.”
Aggravation lit in my chest, but I kept my voice indifferent. “I don’t tell you how to do your fancy desk job, so don’t tell me how to do mine.”
I was surprised Alexei had conceded so quickly.
And I didn’t like being surprised.
Though something else—something visceral, violent—swept through me at the thought of giving Mila up before I got what I wanted from her. I had a better idea: Prolong Alexei’s suffering by holding onto his precious daughter for a while. If this was like-for-like, I’d send her mutilated body back to him. But I didn’t want to mar her skin. I wanted her naked underneath me, her nails in my back, while I saw how many times I could make her come. The need raged inside me, hot and unrelenting. I was sure once I had it, this obsession would subside.
Then I could have my cake and eat it too.
“She has a hickey on the inside of her thigh,” Kristian mentioned casually.
My gaze could kill a lesser man. I should have rolled Mila into a nun’s habit instead of leaving her naked, though even if I had, my brother would still come away with provoking observations. I was now regretting his open invitation.
“Normal people have normal hobbies,” I said. “Why don’t you find one that doesn’t include dissecting everyone around you?”
A smile played in his eyes. “You’re twice as fucked up as I am.”
“The fact you find the idea of me going down on a woman more concerning than her being my prisoner tells a different story.”
“I just find the former a bit out of character. And interesting.”
“You find infomercials interesting, so forgive me if your curiosity about my sex life doesn’t hold much weight.”