I’ve been by her side every moment she’ll let me since then. I’ve never felt this way about another person in my life and I know she feels it too. But there’s something wedged between us and I don’t know if it’s her or me.
Her family is important to her and I don’t have anyone to speak of. She’s this vivacious beauty who lights up a room and I’m the type to silence a crowd when I walk in. On paper we are complete opposites, yet when I’m with her there is nowhere else I’d rather be.
Sometimes I wonder if I was living my life at all before she came into it. The sound of her laugh fills my soul and the feel of her lips on mine is heaven. But when I think about the future with her, it feels so shaky.
I’ve never voiced it to her, but I sometimes wonder if she’s ashamed of me. I know I’m not the best looking, but I’ve got a good job and I make enough money that she never has to work again unless she wants to. It could be that she’s found out about my past with her older brother Jason and she’s scared to let us meet.
The two of us have a history that isn’t pretty. He blames me for losing his business and leaving him with nothing. But he’s bitter and wants someone, besides himself, to take responsibility. He’s in a tough place right now, but that’s not something I can fix for him. I know if he finds out we’re dating he’s going to cause problems for us. Maybe she already found out and that’s the reason she hasn’t introduced me to her family, or maybe why we haven’t gone past kissing.
Of course I wanted to get her on her back the moment we met, but I also want to respect her. She’s not the type of woman that sleeps with men on the first date, and from what she’s told me she didn’t have many dates before me. She hasn’t come out and said the words, but I know she’s innocent when it comes to being touched. I want to be her first, but I don’t want to rush it, and she hasn’t given me any indication that she’s ready.
I lean back in my chair and look down at the city below. It’s Sunday and I’m at work, but it’s because I know she’s with her family. She didn’t ask me to go with her and when I waited for the invitation that never came, I made up some excuse about needing to catch up on work.
I’ve sent her several messages but I haven’t got a response and that’s not like her. I should call or go by and see her, but then I wonder if she’s finally realized that I’m not good enough for her.
It’s the biggest worry in the back of my mind that one day she’ll look at me and realize she could have done better. That she settled on a man with no past and no family who scares most people away. She’s light and warmth, and maybe I’m smothering that by being with her.
Self-doubt is the easiest thing to feel when I’m away from her. But when I’m by her side I feel like nothing can touch us. She deserves a man who can give her that feeling all the time, but I’m too much of a bastard to let her go.
Gia is so goddamn special, and though I should let her find a love she deserves, there’s not a fucking chance in the world I’ll ever leave her side.
My cell phone vibrates in my pocket and I pull it out to see her name. My chest warms and I feel relief until I read what she’s sent.
Gia: Hey, can we meet up tonight?
I haven’t talked to her since yesterday and this is what she’s sending me after all the messages I’ve sent her? There’s not even an emoji after her text and it’s unlike her.
Me: Yeah, everything okay? You’ve been quiet since last night.
Gia: All is good. Just need to talk. It’s important.
I can hear my heartbeat in my ears as I lean forward and type out my response.
Me: I can be there in an hour.
Gia: K
I stare at the letter in the text box and I’m offended by it. She couldn’t even type out an entire word? What the hell is going on with her? Something must have happened with her family today. If she told them about me and they don’t like the fact that she’s dating someone, I’m afraid she may just kick me to the curb.
As much as I get down on myself and think that she deserves better, there’s no one else for her but me. So her family, most importantly her brother Jason, better get used to the idea that I’m in this no matter what. I should have said ten minutes. Now I’ll have to wait a whole fucking hour.