I hated lying. And I hated that I was good at it when it came to protecting my bisexuality. The fucked-up thing was that I’d never lied to protect myself. It was always the other guy who wasn’t ready to be out or wasn’t sure he wanted to be with me. If Drew didn’t know Jade, I would have been tempted to rip my mask off and blurt, “I’m bi and I have a date with a hot dude tonight. Later, peeps.”
But Drew wanted to keep this quiet. And I understood. It was new. It might not go anywhere at all, so why bring attention to something that was no one else’s business? I’d bet in his mind we were just scratching an itch. For me…this felt bigger. I wished I had someone to talk to about it. Moreover, I wished I didn’t feel like a secret spy. I wasn’t good at sticking to the shadows. I had a big mouth and sue me…I liked attention. But I liked Drew more. If he needed to keep us on the DL, I could do that. For now, anyway.
So, I lied. I made up a formal dinner scenario with wine tasting and food pairing. I told my friends that Drew’s brother paid an elite chef to host the event and if I didn’t come, he’d be out a couple hundred bucks. I made it sound like I was doing my boss a favor. Fuck, I hated how that sounded in my head.
My friends didn’t seem suspicious, though. They shrugged and someone jokingly suggested I crash at Drew’s to save a bed, then changed the topic. Case closed.
Well, not exactly. Jade looked skeptical. She didn’t say a word, but she didn’t have to. Her silence screamed “What the fuck?” and even now, I could feel her watchful eyes on me. I put off leaving for as long as possible to avoid a confrontation, but I’d officially run out of time.
I set my half-empty bottle on the counter and ordered a ride. I offered Colin a fist bump as I stepped aside. “I’m gonna get going.”
“Have fun. Bring us some real food if you can sneak anything good in your backpack,” he joked.
“I’m not stealing food. Eat your pizza. I’ll see you tonight…or tomorrow, if they have an extra bed.”
“Good call. Text me. I’m definitely hittin’ the slopes one more time before we leave.”
“Will do.”
I made a mental note to add a toothbrush to my grocery list as I snuck out the door—and immediately bumped into Jade.
“Hi, I’m, uh…heading out,” I said, lamely gesturing toward the street.
She pushed her long hair over her shoulders and fixed me with a shrewd once-over. “Right. Food tasting. Tell Drew hello for me. Will we see you later?”
“Of course.” I pasted a smile on my face and sidestepped her before taking the stairs two at a time.
“Hey, Li!”
“Yeah?” I glanced her way just as a car turned into the snow-lined driveaway.
“I don’t want to sound weird or anything, but…if you need someone to talk to, I’m here.”
“What do you mean?” I bluffed.
“I know you, Li. You like Drew, and he obviously feels the same. That’s cool. He’s a good guy, but he’s…cautious. I don’t want you to get hurt.”
Jade didn’t give me a chance to ask what she meant. She slipped inside, leaving me staring after her like a moron. What exactly did she know and how? She didn’t seem upset. She seemed…sincere. I didn’t know what to do with that. I stood frozen like a deer in headlights. I didn’t budge until the Prius honked to get my attention.
Right.
I filed the exchange in my “Things to Deal with Later” compartment in my brain and hurried to the waiting car.
My driver pulled into a steep driveway off of a private road leading to an enormous cabin. Although the word “lodge” was definitely a better fit. This place looked more like a high-end rustic hotel than a home. I checked the address Drew gave me earlier on my cell. Then I thanked my driver, grabbed the flowers and the bottle of wine I’d purchased at our first stop at the local market, and stepped into the frigid evening.
The screech of tires on the icy, salty pavement faded as I glanced up at the billions of stars twinkling in the clear night sky. It was so beautiful.
But also really fucking cold.
My boots crunched on the snow as I hurried along the path and made my way up the staircase to the generous front porch. A large lantern illuminated the grand entry of the two-storied cabin. I stomped the excess snow off my heels on the moose-emblazed doormat, then knocked on the door.
No answer. I tried again and rang the bell for good measure. Geez, I was nervous.
True story, folks…I’d never asked a guy out before in my life. My lone gay relationship and every hookup with other men in between had been clandestine affairs. So showing up on a hot guy’s porch with a bottle of vino and a bunch of roses made me sweat under my down jacket. I felt oddly vulnerable. It made no sense.