“What? No. You can’t leave. You have school.” My argument is pointless because her parents can have her move schools easily. “You can’t.” My voice falls to a whisper as I try to pull air into my lungs. It’s a struggle. The thought of Kalyn not being in Thorne Haven, not seeing her every day, it hurts, it aches.
“I have no choice, Cass. They’re convinced this will be good for the family,” she tells me through sobs and hiccups. I picture her face, the tears tracking her cheeks, the way her eyes shimmer with emotion, and my heart thuds against my ribs.
“I-I…” Fuck, I don’t know what to say to make it better. “You’ll always be a part of this town,” I finally whisper and then punch the mattress at the stupid comment. Seriously, Cass?
“I don’t want to leave you,” Kalyn tells me on a whimper that only twists my gut with agony at her sadness. “I’ve taken something to calm me down. I’ll come to the party tonight.”
“What did you take?” I ask, not caring if there’s a party or not. “Kalyn, what the fuck did you take?”
“I think valium, it’s something my shrink gave me a while ago,” she whispers. “I’m on my way to your house now.” I can hear her door clicking, and then a soft breeze takes hold of the speaker as she walks.
“I’ll come get you. Don’t walk,” I say.
“It’s okay; I’m coming.” The line goes dead. I’m rushing out the door, down to my car with my keys out, ready to save her again. It doesn’t take me long to drive down the street that links our homes to find her.
When she slips into the passenger seat, she smiles. “Thanks. Can we go to the lake?” Kalyn questions, looking at me as if I hung the moon in the sky.
“Sure.” I turn around and head that way. Anything for her. Right now, the only thing that matters is for me to prove to this woman how much I care for her. When we reach the entrance of the woods, I exit the car and round the front to help her. Hand in hand, we walk through the trees, and when we reach the silver bed of water, we stop and settle on a boulder.
“It’s one of my favorite places,” Kalyn mumbles, but she doesn’t look at me. “This is where I find…” She tips her head to the side, but she doesn’t complete her sentence.
Curiosity wins out, and I ask, “What? What do you find?”
Kaly smiles. Then she pins me with a look that tells me the truth, but she only says, “Happiness.”
“Oh?” I test, needing to know more. I want her to tell me what she’s feeling. I ache to hear her admit her feelings. Those words that I imagine her whispering to me daily don’t come. But I can’t be too surprised.
“It’s the place I met you,” she finally whispers after long moments of silence, and my stomach flips. We sit in silence after that because I can’t say anything more.
How do I tell her I love her when I can’t be the man she deserves?
So, instead of admitting my emotions, I allow the sounds of the woods to swallow us in the darkness and the silver light of the moon to illuminate us. But with every glance I cast her way, I can’t help but smile because she shines brighter than the sun.
My star.
My north star.
33
Kalyn
When I open my eyes, my vision blurs as I attempt to focus on the room that I’m in. My hands tremble as I reach for the pillow beside me, pulling it closer, needing to inhale Cassian’s scent. But even that doesn’t calm me.
My stomach rolls at the image of Paulo and Cassian fighting. Memories slam into me, my chest tightening as anxiety churns in my gut. It’s cold. So fucking cold. I’m shaking so hard my teeth chatter.
Tears sting my eyes when I realize this will always be my life. Every inch of my body feels as if I’m in a tub of ice water. I shut my eyes, praying for some form of solace. I need help. I do. It’s been the first time I’ve admitted it, even if only to myself. But right now, the only thing I can think of is a quick fix, which is what I always wanted in the past. When I open my eyes, a thought springs to mind.
If I can get something. A drink. A painkiller. Anything.
It will allow me to get out of my head and forget about the mess I’ve made, the drama that has followed me to Thorne Haven. I brought more darkness to this town than I cared to admit. But now, it’s here, and I can’t run anymore.
Pushing to my feet, I rush for the bathroom and pull open the cabinet to find bottles of everything but pills. Frustration blooms in my stomach, twisting like a serpent ready to strike.