“I—I was…” I glance over my shoulder, and that’s when I see Creed and Finn punching the fuck out of two guys. “Was that…?”
“They almost fucking assaulted you, and you wouldn’t have even known.” Cassian’s words are like ice to my veins, my high almost dissipating, but I wish it were that easy to get rid of. Dizziness hits me hard, and I fall into Cassian’s arms. “Fucking hell,” he curses, helping me into his car and shutting the door behind me.
When he slips into the driver’s side, he looks over at me. I must be a mess. Tears burn my eyes, and when I blink, they slip free, trickling down my cheeks. This is why he doesn’t want me. I’m too much work.
I don’t blame him.
I can’t.
Why would a good guy like him want a fuck-up like me? I spend my life making a mess of everything around me. And this time, it’s no different. I wanted to celebrate my birthday, but I ended up in a situation where I could’ve been hurt.
“I’m taking you home,” Cassian tells me before handing me a bottle of chilled water. My knight in shining armor is a boy I’ll never have.
Happy ever after isn’t something I can ever have. Not with Cassian. I’m far too destructive. The realization hits me in the chest, and a sob bubbles up, escaping my lips before I have time to push it back down.
“I’m sorry,” I whisper, not looking at the man beside me. He may only be eighteen, but he’s more mature than I’ll ever be.
I’m sure I won’t ever have a chance with him.
And that’s when my heart shatters even more.
3
Kalyn
The Present
The car doesn’t slow down as we make our way through the town that borders Thorne Haven. With every mile that passes and the closer I get to my childhood home, my shoulders tense, my stomach twists, and my chest tightens.
I never thought I’d ever see the sleepy town again, but as we head back to my past, the nervous energy in my gut makes me feel queasy. I’m almost certain he’s no longer in town. He must’ve left years ago because if there’s one thing I know about Cassian Thorne, it’s that he’s not someone who can sit still. He had dreams, and there is no way he would not have followed through on those.
He’s always had wanderlust, and I’m sure with his family’s money, he is able to travel and live anywhere in the world. All I can do is pray he’s taken the opportunity and moved far away from this sleepy little pocket of beauty he once called home.
The town car finally comes to a crawl as we head up the hill, which will take us to my childhood home, but not before passing Thorne manor. The enormous mansion stands proudly amongst the trees, the rooftops just visible in between the greenery.
Yellow and gold leaves color the sidewalk, as the trees that line either side of the road turn to their fall shades. It’s almost Halloween, and the weather has turned chilly. There is rain in the forecast for the rest of the week, and I wonder briefly if there’ll be a gala on Saturday. It’s one of the most talked-about events in town, even people from out of state travel to attend the infamous Thorne Gala.
The thought sends a flurry of nerves fluttering in my stomach at the idea of Cassian coming home to attend. But even if he does, he’ll be dressed up, most probably, which means it will be harder to spot him.
We pull up the long driveway that leads to the place I lost my heart, mind, and soul, and for a moment, I’m sure it’s changed. It doesn’t look as big or as haunting as it used to, but then again, I was seventeen, the last time I saw it. A broken teenager who escaped her pain with drugs and alcohol.
“So, this is your home?” the voice from beside me startles me because my mind had wandered to another place. Another time. But I can’t focus on the past, so I glance at the man beside me.
I nod slowly. “It was,” I respond honestly; the raspy tone of my voice is the only clue that emotion has taken hold of me.
“Hey,” he says as he scoots closer to me, taking my hand in his. “This is for the best.” He presses a kiss to my knuckles, and I don’t miss how he glances at the ring on my finger, the princess cut diamond he slid onto my hand only a week ago. When I said yes, I didn’t think the guilt would eat away at me, and now, as we pull up to the one place I never wanted to return to, I realize there’s no more hiding away. I have to face my mistakes, my past, and the one man who still holds my heart.