“Yes! Okay!” I hiss angrily, agreeing to something. I can’t remember what, but I give my father what he wants. “It’s him. It’s always been him, and it won’t ever be anyone else.” Tears track their way down my cheeks as my heart cracks at the thought of leaving Thorne Haven and not seeing Cassian every day.
“Are you happy now? Leave me alone; you’ve already ruined my life.” I push away from my father and race to my bedroom, shutting myself inside. I lock the door so they can’t come in; I need to be alone. I rush to the bathroom and turn on the taps of my shower.
By the time I’m under the spray, my mind clears of the fog. And as the realization of what I’ve just told my father hits me, a sob breaks free from my lips, and I drop to my knees under the scalding water.
I lied.
I fucked up.
And my father isn’t going to let this lie.
That night was a mistake. When my father called the police, I was downstairs, begging him to stop. I told my father it was a lie. I told him I only said it to stop them from questioning me, but the deed was done, and I had no way of stopping it.
My father is headstrong, and when he gets an idea in his head, he doesn’t let up. Thankfully, I was able to talk to Cassian’s father when he got to our home to sort the incident out. But Cassian wasn’t there. He didn’t come with his dad, and I didn’t blame him. I wouldn’t want to look at me either.
Thankfully, the charge was dropped when I finally confessed it was a lie, but the damage had been done. Even though Mr. Thorne had made sure nobody spoke of it again, it was a lie I uttered, not realizing what it meant until after it fell from my lips.
The drugs course through my veins, reminding me of the euphoria that takes hold of me as it warms me from the inside out. Numbness washes over me like a wave dancing along the shore. Everything spins for a moment before it becomes clearer. I know I shouldn’t be doing this again, but I can’t help myself. My blood zings through me, and it feels as if I’m flying through clouds.
When I finally open my eyes, I can’t see anything in the mirror because it’s steamed up. Reaching for the cool glass, I swipe my hand along it, clearing the mist to take in my distorted reflection.
“I’m sorry,” I whisper to the emptiness. My throat constricts when I think about saying those two words to Cassian. But it’s the non-response I know I’ll receive from him that makes the tears trickle from my eyes, burning their path down my cheeks.
It’s time to face my fuck-ups.
It’s time to see him again.
I just don’t know how to apologize to the one person I hurt more than myself.
4
Cassian
Settling into a seat opposite my brother, Damien, I pick up the mug of coffee and take a long sip. The meeting with the board went well, and they’re happy to continue our growth into Europe, which means Damien will be busier as the year progresses. It also means Finn and I will need to travel out here more often.
It’s been a few months since I’ve seen my older brother, and I have to be honest, I miss him being in Thorne Haven. But he’s needed here to run the British offices of Thorne Industries.
“What’s happening back home?” he questions, his narrowed gaze locked on me as he leans back in the expensive leather chair behind his enormous desk. His blue eyes focus on me, and it’s almost as if he can see the war waging within me.
“She’s back. She’s returning to Thorne Haven,” I tell him. I don’t need to explain who I’m talking about because there would only be one person who would make my voice turn dark with anger and pain.
He tips his head to the side, surprise evident on his expression as he regards me. He knows what happened that night when I tried to act like a hero. The tension in the room intensifies when he leans forward, his elbows on the desk, his hands clasped, and I notice just how white his knuckles are turning. “Are you sure?”
“Yeah.” I nod. “Finn said he heard they’re coming back from LA because something happened. I’m not sure what,” I tack on because I know he’ll ask for more information.
He ponders this for a while. “Do you want me to ask our team to dig into it?” I did consider doing this, but if I’m completely honest with myself, I don’t think it would make a difference. My anger has kept me strong for so long, I’m not sure I can live with anything else.