Raluca pulled her palm up so it hovered above the skin. But he could still feel her radiant heat, soothing as a hot compress. “Doesn’t it hurt to be touched?”
“Not if you’re gentle,” Nick said.
She frowned. “Was I not?”
“You were.” Then Nick admitted, “It just still burns me up. Not there. Here.” He touched his heart, then his head. “Here. Not the gauntlet itself, but why it happened. How it happened. Price used Manuel like he was a tool, not a person. Fucking Price! All he ever fucking had to do was say, “Sure, shifters’ honor, what can I do to help?” And then maybe Mom wouldn’t have died and Dad wouldn’t have killed anyone. Dad for sure wouldn’t have stayed in a gang. He’d be alive today.”
“Who else are you angry at, Nick?” Raluca asked softly.
“Who am I not?!” Fury burned through Nick as he spoke, as hot and frustrated now as when he’d been fifteen. “That fucking CEO — it wouldn’t have cost him anything to help us, but he liked being able to sit back in his cushy office and pride himself on being a selfish fuck who valued money above people. Price’s asshole buddies who helped him kill that poor son of a bitch who just wanted to leave. Dad’s smug pack that thought they were better than humans. The whole fucking system that makes poor people beg for money just to stay alive. Those black ops guys who took Shane and came halfway to breaking him. Your Uncle Constantine—”
“What?” Raluca’s hands stopped rubbing his shoulders, startled into immobility. “But you’ve never even met him.”
“I don’t have to meet him. He tried to kill Journey. He nearly killed Lucas. And you! I hate him for what he did to you!”
“Me?” Raluca sounded incredulous. “You’re angry for me?”
Nick leaned on one elbow, his breath coming hard, his entire body burning. Raluca’s confusion made him even more furious — not at her, but at the man who had molded her until she didn’t even understand why anyone, even her own mate, could feel rage on her behalf. “Yes, of course I fucking am! He manipulated you, just like Price manipulated me and Manuel. For all we know, he’s trying to kill you right now. But I don’t give a fuck if he isn’t, I still fucking hate that bastard. You’ve never harmed a soul in your entire fucking life, and he tried to stop you from having a life. He took away your freedom, he took away your voice, he took away your self! You’re surprised that I’m mad at him — that shouldn’t be surprising. But it is to you, because he even took away your anger.”
“No.” Raluca’s eyes were changing again, beginning to glow silver. Nick shut his mouth in a hurry. “He only tried.”
“Were you secretly furious at him the whole time?”
Raluca shook her head, sending her cool hair slithering across his hot skin. “No. I felt unjustified. He was giving me everything I could possibly want, and doing nothing overtly wrong. And anger is considered an improper emotion for a princess. It was there nonetheless, but I smothered and ignored it. And after I was free, my uncle was locked up and out of my reach. I couldn’t take revenge on him, so I turned my rage on someone else.”
“Who?” Nick asked blankly.
Raluca’s lips curved into an ironic smile. “You, Nick. I was furious at you. I have spent the last few days plotting vengeance against you. I knew you’d be humiliated at the white tie gala, and I looked forward to it. And when you played me that song in the car, I almost threw you out of it.”
“Oh!” Nick had known Raluca was pissed at him, but not how deep it had run. “Well, don’t worry about that. I deserved it. I was deliberately trying to piss you off. That chip on my shoulder —”
“Yes,” Raluca said. Now her eyes reminded him of Hal’s or Shane’s: that piercing gaze that sees into your blind spot, coolly evaluating everything you can’t see — or don’t want to see — in yourself. “You and I are very much alike, are we not? Neither of us can take vengeance against the people who harmed us most. And both of us were told not to be angry, when we had excellent reasons to be so, so we were forced to bottle it up until it exploded, like champagne gone sour.”
“But I wasn’t...” Nick’s voice trailed off as he thought about what she’d said. “No, you’re right. I was too. Dad told me to control my wolf, and when I didn’t, I killed someone. When I was in the gang, I was always afraid that if I ever confronted Price, I’d kill him. So I pretended I didn’t care, until it was too late. I think Rafa and Fiona and the rest of my team constantly telling me to chill out made me feel like they’re the only safe people to be mad at. If I ever got pissed at anyone who actually deserved it, I might kill them. So I kept on going ballistic on people I cared about and knew I’d never hurt, and I drove them nuts without ever getting any less angry.”
“A banked fire doesn’t go out,” Raluca said thoughtfully. “It smolders and spreads. Every now and then, a spark goes up and sets whatever it falls on aflame.”
“That’s me, all right. Setting things on fire every which way.” Nick sighed. “Now I feel bad for my team. And you. I’d apologize, but I have a feeling I’d just fuck it up. I mean to them. I could apologize to you. Again.”
Raluca ruffled his hair. “No need. For myself, anyway. As for your team, perhaps they would prefer your anger turned on their behalf rather than on them. Have you ever told Lucas how you feel about Uncle Constantine?”
Nick’s face burned with embarrassment as he recalled Lucas’s return. “Uh, no. I just dropped a bunch of f-bombs on his mate.” At Raluca’s expression, he added, “Not literal bombs. That’s American slang for that word you hate.”
“Oh. That is convenient. Now I can refer to it more easily.” Raluca looked so pleased that Nick had to stifle a laugh.
“You gonna tell Lucas how you feel about Constantine?” he asked.
“Yes, I shall. Lucas may try to turn it aside, out of pride, but I think it will please him.” She brushed her fingers over his lips, her touch hot and feather-light. “It pleased me to hear it from you.”
“Oh. I’m glad. I guess I’ll tell him too, then. I might not stop there, even. Some stuff went down with Shane, too, a while back. I was scared that he’d die, and furious at the people who’d fucked him over. But I didn’t say so. I yelled at him instead. It was when he was hurt, too. Like I don’t know how much fun that is.” Nick swallowed. “Fuck. There’s gonna be a lot of changes. I feel turned inside-out.”
“I too. But perhaps we can steady each other.”
“Yeah.” With Raluca at his side, Nick felt more secure than he had in years. She might look fragile, but he could lean on her without worrying that she wasn’t strong enough to bear his weight or she’d look down on him for needing support. “You’re a fucking pillar of steel. In high-heeled shoes.”
“You as well,” she said. “In boots.”
They leaned in at the same moment to kiss. It sent a jolt of love and desire through him, as all her kisses did. As, he felt sure, all her kisses always would.