Do not do this! Nick’s wolf snarled. Only you may protect your mate!
Raluca’s lips parted in surprised hurt. “Do you wish me to have another protector?”
“Fuck, no!” Nick blurted out. “But if you’d rather run back to a fucking nest of assassins than have me protecting you, then yeah, you should have someone else.”
“That is not...” Raluca began, her gaze sliding away. Then she straightened her spine, just as he had before walking in, and once again met his eyes. “Why do you dislike me so?”
“I don’t —” Nick began.
But Raluca spoke over him, her chiming voice drowning his out. “Is it my title? My wealth? My personality? Is it something I said or did? Is it everything I have said and done? Why were you offended enough to take vengeance when I asked you to show me the real America? The guidebooks say that is both polite and pleasing. Are they wrong? Why —”
“Whoa, whoa!” Nick held up his hand, overwhelmed by Raluca’s unexpected flood of questions. He’d thought she’d tell him who she wanted to take his place, then kick him out the door. “First of all, I don’t dislike —”
“Liar,” Raluca said coolly. “Look me in the eyes and tell me you did not take me to the world’s biggest hairball specifically to annoy me.”
“I —”
She is your mate, snarled his wolf. You cannot lie to your mate!
Nick’s head ached. His wolf’s voice had reverberated through his bones. His whole body ached. He was so exhausted, he couldn’t seem to think.
If he was going to sit, it should be in the teeny chair, but the way things were going, it would probably collapse under his weight. So he sank down on the bed, as far from Raluca as possible. The pressed cloth of his suit crunched, reminding him that he hadn’t changed either. He felt like an imposter, completely out of his depth. His wolf and his supposed mate were both furious with him. His impulse was to swear, to deny, maybe to brush it off with a joke...
...but that was exactly what had gotten him into this fucking mess to begin with.
Nick looked within himself, and tried to put his feelings into words. Words that did not include “fuck,” “fucking,” “fucked,” “fucker,” or anything else in the swearing dictionary.
“I was mad at you,” he said carefully. “But that doesn’t mean I dislike you. You can ask anyone here. Everyone single one of them has pissed — has made me angry. And I’ve been a dick — I mean a, um, an annoying person — to all of them. God knows why they put up with me.”
Raluca was listening intently, her eyes molten silver. Her dragon was very close to the surface. She was feeling something deeply, but he couldn’t tell what it was.
Nick went on, “Where I come from, guys aren’t supposed to show their feelings. That’s weak. It’s not manly. And it could get you killed. Well, some are okay. You can be angry and proud and happy and... uh... oh, yeah, you can be bored. And drunk. Is drunk a feeling?”
Raluca’s lips quivered as if she was trying not to laugh. “It is a feeling. I would not call it an emotion.”
“Then you get the picture. So I want you to know how hard it is for me to say that even though my teammates and I have pissed each other off about a million fucking times, we still...” He forced himself to spit it out. “We still lov
e each other.” Hastily, he added, “Like brothers and sisters. Or best friends. That sort of love. You know, uh...”
Raluca actually smiled. “I understand, Nick. You are not confessing a secret love affair with Rafa.”
“No, but I love him like a brother and I trust him with my life. So I hope you heard me yelling at him the day I met you. Uh, and over the phone. And earlier tonight. It doesn’t mean I hate him. And me being a fucking asshole to you with the rap and lobster and stuff, that doesn’t mean I hate you. It means I have a problem. Me. Not you. And I’m so sorry I took it out on you. If there’s anything I can do to make it right, tell me and I’ll do it.”
“You have apologized,” Raluca said. “I accept it. That is all I require in terms of amends.”
Nick had hoped she’d accept his apology, but she’d spoken so formally, he wasn’t sure if she really forgave him or if she just felt obliged, or if she’d even believed he was sincere.
He tried again. “I’m serious. Destiny says I should take anger management classes, Rafa says I should get the chip on my shoulder surgically removed, Hal says I should take three deep breaths before I open my mouth, Shane doesn’t say anything but he looks at me like — point is, everyone who knows me thinks I need to chill the fuck out. And it fucking kills me to admit it, but they’re right. The chip removal surgery starts now.”
“Truly?” Raluca asked.
“Truly,” Nick repeated, hoping she’d believe him if he used her words. God knew she didn’t like his. He had no idea if it had worked. But since he’d gotten on the honesty kick, he went on, “Remember the world’s biggest hairball?”
“It was unforgettable,” she replied drily.
“Well, tonight was the world’s biggest wake-up call. I didn’t protect you, I broke my cover every time I opened my mouth or touched anything —”
Nick broke off. She knew all that. Gloomily, he finished, “And I look like a fucking idiot in this suit.”