But he'd been lying to himself almost from the beginning, because he hadn't been content and didn't want to drift. So he poked at her, prodded, subtly and not so subtly, for those answers to who she was, where she'd been. While part of him, the part that was pride and heart, was wounded every time she didn't simply volunteer the answers.
He wanted her to confide in him, to share with him every part of her that had been, that was, that would be. He needed her to turn to him when she was troubled or sad, or when she was happy.
He wanted, Jared realized, drawing a slow, steady breath. He wanted her to marry him, have children with him, grow old with him.
He started up the walkway, pausing to lay a hand on Bryan's bike. He wanted the boy. That, too, was fresh and revealing news. He didn't want Bryan to be Savannah's son, but their son. Helping Bryan with his homework, boning up on baseball, cheering from the bleachers at a game. Jared realized he'd gotten used to those things, looked forward to them. Looked forward to that quick grin, the shouted greeting.
But it wasn't enough. It didn't make them family.
Love would. He'd grown to love the boy in a very short time, without even realizing it. Marriage would. Not just the legal contract, Jared reflected. The promise.
He and Barbara had broken that promise, and had proceeded to negate the legal contract without flinching with another. All very clean, very tidy, very civilized.
Wasn't that the core of it? There was nothing very civilized about the way he felt about Savannah or Bryan. He felt protective, proprietary, possessive. They were difficult emotions. Untidy emotions.
Wonderful.
Calmer now that he'd sorted through the problem, and its solution, he went into the house.
There were shoes where there shouldn't be, books and glasses and toys scattered instead of in their proper place. A pair of earrings tossed on a table, a trail of mud that hadn't been quite scraped off on the mat.
It was home.
But where the hell were they?
He'd grown accustomed to finding them there. Bryan in the yard, or poring over his baseball-card collection in bis room. The radio should have been blaring, or the TV turned, up too loud. She should have been in the kitchen, or in her little studio in the back, or taking one of her cat naps on the sofa.
He went into the kitchen, laid the flowers down on the table. No note. No hastily scrawled explanation tacked to the refrigerator. Frowning, he laid his briefcase beside the flowers. The least she could have done was leave him a note.
They'd agreed to talk, hadn't they? He had reams to talk about, and she wasn't even here. He looked in her studio. A half glass of watered-down lemonade stood on her worktable near a clever, sly sketch of a flying frog.
Under other circumstances, it would have made him smile.
His mood darkening by the minute, he headed up and upstairs. Dragging off his tie, he walked into her bedroom. Her bedroom, he thought, sizzling. By God, that was going to change. He tossed the tie on the bed, followed it with his suit coat.
They were going to have a long, serious discussion, he and Savannah. And she was going to listen.
He grumbled to himself as he changed into jeans and hung his suit in the closet amid her clothes. His teeth were set. One of the first things they were going to do was add another closet. A man deserved his own damn closet.
In fact, they were going to add on another bedroom, one big enough for his things, as well as hers. And another bathroom, while they were at it, because they were going to have more children.
And an office. She wasn't the only one who needed work space.
Then he was going to build Bryan a tree house. The kid should have a tree house.
They needed a garden shed for her tools, and the lane needed work. Well, he would see to those things. He'd see to them because... He was going insane, Jared admitted, and sat down on the edge of the bed.
He hadn't even told her they were getting married, and he already he was adding on to the house.
What was he getting so worked up about? Why was he so angry with her, with himself? Panic, he wondered. Little licks of fear. Worry that when he mentioned marriage, she would laugh and tell him that wasn't the kind of thing that interested her.
Dragging his hands through his hair, he rose. She was going to have to get interested, he decided. And fast.
He might have calmed again, might have gone reasonably downstairs and started dinner for the three of them. He might have done that. It was in his mind when he noticed the box on her dresser.
He caught the glint of belt buckles. Big, showy buckles. Rodeo. He lifted one and studied the embossed horse and rider. Her father's things. She'd received her father's assets. And she hadn't told him.
There wasn't much. The prizes Jim Morningstar had won years before, bits and pieces of a man who had obviously traveled light and without too much sentiment. There was a larger box beside the dresser. Old, worn boots, a battered hat, a few articles of clothing that were still folded, as if she hadn't touched them.