“No offense, sis. I love you very much, and I’m always happy to see you, but…” Belle pauses and clears the sleep from her voice. “It’s a little strange waking up to both you and my husband in bed. Mind explaining what’s going down here?”
“I need you,” I whisper, and it cracks open the flimsy dam, allowing my tears to come back full force.
“Oh no, honey,” Belle whispers and quickly pulls me into a tight hug.
“I think now is a good time for me to go make some coffee,” John announces quietly, and I feel the mattress shift as he gets out of bed. Without any questioning, he just walks out of their bedroom, and I hear the door click shut, his signal that he’s given us privacy.
Why does my brother-in-law have to be such a good guy? I sure as shit know he wouldn’t leave Belle in the middle of the night because he’s a fucking commitment-phobic asshole.
Another round of sobs, and I officially hate myself.
“Okay, you have to give me something here because I’m starting to get really worried,” Belle says quietly, concern very much evident in the inclination of her voice. “What’s going on, Soph?”
“Everything.”
Belle sighs. “Can you be slightly more specific, maybe? Everything is a lot of ground to cover.”
I wish I didn’t have to burden my sister with all my bullshit, but the strength it would take to keep all this bottled up inside me any longer is too much. I can’t do it. I can’t keep lying to my sister—or anyone else, for that matter. The only thing that feels right is to tell the truth.
So, through each shuddering, unsteady breath, I do.
“I’ve been having secret sex rendezvous with a guy I haven’t told you about. Even went to Vegas with him for a few days. And now, everything has blown up into flames.”
“What?” Belle leans her head back to meet my eyes, and the look of shock that is on her face makes me grimace. It also makes me cry harder.
“I’m sorry!” I sob. “I should have told you. I know I should’ve told you, but everything just got so out of control. And at first, I didn’t know what you’d think about me sleeping with the dancer from your bachelorette party, but then, he didn’t end up even being a dancer, and before I knew it, I was meeting up with him for hot sex in public places and he was stealing my panties and I was a Girl Scout in Vegas, earning orgasm badges!” I ramble on a wail and shove my face into her pillows.
“What the…?” she says and releases me from her arms to sit up and rest her back against the headboard of her bed. “Who was stealing your underwear? And when were you hanging out with Girl Scouts?”
“No!” I bellow and lift my head to meet her eyes. “There’re no Girl Scouts!”
“Holy hell, I feel like my head is going to explode,” she mutters and reaches out to shove some of my hair out of my face. “Honey, I’m going to need you to take a breath, calm yourself, and start from the beginning. But much slower this time and with a little more detail because I’m really hoping this story of yours doesn’t involve what I’m now thinking it does.”
Oh God. I’m really failing at the delivery of all of this.
With deep inhales through my nose and long exhales through my mouth, I try to slow my quick, hiccupping breaths down.
“That’s it,” Belle encourages with a gentle hand to my shoulder. “That’s perfect. Just keep doing that.”
Once my breathing slows and the tears stop streaming from my lids, Belle offers a soft smile in my direction. “Better?”
“A little.”
“Enough to tell me what’s really going on, but this time, in a way I can actually understand?”
“Yeah.” I nod.
“Because I have to say, I’m still a little confused and slightly horrified about how Girl Scouts and orgasms go together, you know?”
I should probably laugh at that because it’s fucking ridiculous, but humor is not an emotion I can feel right now. But thankfully, telling my sister everything is something I can manage. And while it’s difficult as hell and I shed more tears than I’d like, I crack my Jude box wide open.
I tell Belle how things started between us. How things progressed. I tell her about all our secret meetups and about Vegas and how I met his family.
I even tell her about the secret sex club where no sex happened because Jude wanted to leave. How it felt like things had changed between us and how horribly wrong everything went last night.
And I tell her how devastated I felt—still feel—when he left.
Once I’m finished, Belle just wraps me up in her arms and gives me a tight, loving hug.