“Yeah. See, I think you deflected on the gift-picking altogether and expected your sister to get something for you. And, in a brilliant move of revenge, this is what she chose.”
I chuckle uneasily and glance to my three brothers as they laugh behind their beer bottles. I’m immediately suspicious. “What the fu—dge? Why am I the only one getting crucified?”
“Remy, Flynn, and Ty all got me gifts of their own. Nice ones,” Uncle Brad says, illuminating the depth of my siblings’ betrayal.
“I thought we had an understanding!” I exclaim at the traitors.
“We did,” Remy hedges while Ty snickers. “An understanding that we were all willing to let you bury yourself on this one.”
Ty reaches out to high-five him, and I lift up my middle finger, swinging it wildly toward them all. “I hate every single one of you.” I pause on Ty and give him another middle finger for good measure, emphasizing, “Especially you.”
“Me? What did I do?”
“Give me a break, dude. Do you really not realize the torture you’re putting all these women through?”
His eyebrows draw together, and he laughs. “You mean Stephanie?”
I shrug hugely. “I don’t have a clue, dude. I don’t know her name because we never know their names. Why do you always insist on bringing these randos to family shit?”
“What? I’m not supposed to bring women I’m dating to family get-togethers now?”
Even Flynn scoffs at that. “Come on, Ty. You’re not dating her. Sleeping with her, maybe.”
“All right, all right. Enough,” Uncle Brad interrupts. “And Ty, bring whomever you want. I, for one, have actually started to get some enjoyment out of it.”
Remy, Flynn, Wes, and I look at Uncle Brad curiously, and he just shrugs.
“What? Paula and I started a running pool for names. I get five dollars if I’m closest alphabetically.”
“You and Aunt Paula gamble over me?” Ty bellows, and we’re all mid-laugh as Winnie walks out the door with a tray of hamburger patties to throw on the grill.
For some reason, though, Ty locks on to me as the brother to strike back at. Which, honestly, probably isn’t a bad idea. I am two years younger than him and a much better sport than our elder brothers, Remy and Flynn. The two of them would probably grind his nuts up and eat them for breakfast if he tried to throw down with them.
“What about you, Jude?” Ty asks snidely. “Dip your wick in anything of consequence lately?”
Winnie smacks the back of his head soundly, but years and years of demented sibling torture between the five of us have conditioned Ty’s pain response into nothing more than a chuckle. It’s impressive, really, that kind of compartmentalization while under physical attack.
“Can’t say that I have, Ty. Just living the casual life the best I can.”
Remy and Flynn nod, both taking swigs of their beers, and Winnie rolls her eyes. After this much time with the four of us as single bachelors, I can’t imagine our baby sister expects anything else. Still, I know she’s found her supposed happily ever after or whatever with Wes Lancaster, so there’s a certain amount of desire to spread the joy that runs through every woman’s veins.
I clear my throat as their laughter dies down, and the vision of the most interesting brunette woman I’ve ever encountered enters my mind.
It’s probably not the best idea I’ve ever had to bring this kind of dirty laundry to a family party, but hell, I’ve never been the type to hold anything back, I guess.
“I, uh, did meet a pretty interesting woman last weekend at the new club.”
“Really?” Winnie asks, her voice undeniably hopeful.
I lift the corner of my mouth into a pseudo-smile as I admit, “Well, yeah. I mean, she was the bride in a group there for a bachelorette, but she was interesting.”
Ty’s body folds in half as laughs overcome his muscles, and Remy’s and Flynn’s eyebrows shoot to their hairlines. Wes lets his head fall back toward his shoulder blades, his eyes closing in pain, and Uncle Brad just shakes his head and turns back to the grill.
“Nooo,” Winnie cries, sinking her head into her hands. “Tell me you didn’t, Jude. Please tell me you didn’t.”
“I didn’t,” I comfort, hedging, “At least, not really.”
“What in the hell does that mean, bro?” Remy interjects.
“Either you did or you didn’t. Right? What am I missing?” Ty says, looking around at everyone for an explanation that only I can give.
“I didn’t sleep with her. We danced. Flirted a little, maybe. That’s it.”
Oh yeah, and she orgasmed while I was dancing for her, too.
“Promise me you won’t mess with a married woman, Jude!” Winnie exclaims then, nearly coming out of her skin. “I do not want to have to disown you!”
“Relax,” I assure her gently. “I don’t expect I’ll ever see her again, sis.”