What did you hope for just now? I wondered. And why did it scare you?
She leaned back, her expression hesitant, slightly shy. I took a few steps back toward the shore, stepping up the drop-off and placing her on her feet. She teetered slightly, laughing at herself. The sun had set, leaving only a stripe of red far away on the horizon, but providing enough light that I could still see clearly. Overhead, the first stars were appearing in the deepening sky. “You must be tired,” I said.
She nodded uncertainly. “You must be . . .” She glanced downward.
I laughed shortly. “I’m fine.” I wasn’t fine, but I would live, at least until I made it to the privacy of my shower. Then I’d picture the way her face looked as she fell apart, the way her body squeezed and pulsated around my finger, the way her nipples had tasted on my tongue. One stroke and I’d be done.
She turned away and then turned back quickly. “It . . . I mean, I know we said no complications. But . . . that felt sort of complicated.”
Was she saying we shouldn’t do that again? Touch each other? My chest suddenly felt tight. Everything felt tight. I studied her for a moment. I wasn’t sure how to read her expression . . . confused, uneasy. It wasn’t how I wanted her to feel. I’d never seen confusion or any form of regret on a woman’s face after physical intimacy. I was in uncharted territory here. “I’ll leave it up to you, Haven. Whatever you feel comfortable with.”
Her gaze moved over my face, and then she nodded once, her lips pressing together momentarily before she nodded again as though confirming the first nod. “I . . . that was , , , I mean. You’re very skilled. Obviously, I enjoyed that. Very much.” Her cheeks colored the way they had right before she’d come. She laid her hand on my arm and then just as quickly removed it. “I don’t regret it at all. It was . . . wow. Very, very wow. I just . . . you know, it sort of muddies the water and all.”
“It does,” I agreed. “Muddy waters.” So why was I suddenly very willing to wade in muddy waters? To swim in them. Hell, I’d be willing to drink them right at the moment.
“And I . . . well, today was . . . special to me. I would hate to do anything to jeopardize more times like that. Me, you, the crew.” The words faded into a small, uncomfortable laugh. She gave me a smile, part hopeful, part puzzled.
The crew. I was part of the crew.
And though she was very obviously attracted to me, the friendly part of our relationship was more valuable to her. If I was reading the situation correctly.
I opened my mouth to say something and then closed it. Her eyes were tired. It had been a long day. And though I was incredibly attracted to her, I also wanted her to have other days like today. Uncomplicated. Easy. Friendly. I took her hand in mine and pulled her to the shore where we both picked up our towels and dried off, Haven sliding her shorts back over her swimsuit and slipping her flip-flops on once she was dry.
We walked in silence to the house, the quiet of the night and the gentle lapping of the water making it seem almost unreal, as if what had just happened had been nothing more than a fevered dream.
There were voices and laughter coming from the back porch of the house, but we didn’t move in that direction, instead walking silently to the bottom of the stairs and then climbing them together.
We both paused at the top landing. Haven’s expression was peaceful, though her eyes remained uncertain. Her hair was windblown and in complete disarray, and the corner of my lip tugged in a smile. She bit at her lip. Cleared her throat. “Goodnight,” she said. “Thank you again for . . . today.”
“My pleasure,” I said and her eyes flew to mine, widening slightly. I smiled, saying nothing. I hated that we were suddenly so awkward. It was strange. And sort of amusing in a disappointing way. And frustrating. And I was still semi hard. That shower was calling. Loudly. “Goodnight, Haven. Sleep well.”
She nodded, her gaze lingering on mine for a moment. I swore she held her breath as she moved around me, heading for her room.
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
Haven
“You sound happy,” I said. Easton turned around, his teeth flashing as the tune he’d been whistling abruptly ended. “And you look happy too.” I eyed him suspiciously. “What have you done now?”
He laughed. “Ah, big sis, you always think the worst of me.”
“Yes, and you generally give me a good reason to.” I crossed my arms as I leaned against the side of the structure that housed the club’s pool equipment.