“Rude? Since when is telling the truth rude?” Lila stood up to pace from one end of the room to the other.
r /> “Because you didn’t mean it as the truth, you meant it to wound. You were being mean.”
“Mean? What are you? Five?” Lila did not hold in her laugh this time, a laugh of pure frustration. Gods, Jewel hadn’t changed at all. She really couldn’t lead the family, not now, not ever. “I don’t care if I sound rude or mean right now. You promised, Jewel. You promised that you would be prime. Ever since we were children, you promised. You told me how lucky you were to have an elder sister who would pass the honor onto you. Now you’re taking back that vow as if it meant nothing.”
“I was a child! I didn’t know what it meant back then. You can’t expect me to keep a promise I made when I was twelve.”
“I never even got the chance to promise!”
Jewel shifted on the floor. “My life has changed a great deal since then.”
“So has mine! I worked my way up from nothing in the security office. Do you think it mattered who my mother was in the barracks? I stayed up so many nights chasing intruders and finding boogeymen in WolfNet. I protected you when you messed up your office. I traded away my youth to make chief, and I did it all on my own. I earned it. Now it turns out that everything I worked for during the last ten years was for naught.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Don’t you dare apologize. You didn’t spill wine on my favorite coat, Jewel. You didn’t wreck my car. You’ve taken away my life. I could have spent my twenties in bed like you, flat on my back in the arms of some senator, but I didn’t because I had a job to—”
“Don’t—”
“Oracle’s wrath, Jewel, you gave me your word!”
Jewel pressed her lips together, the effort hardening the lines in her mouth. “Did I? Did I really promise it of my own free will, or was I endlessly talked into it by an older sister who never wanted to face her duty?”
“My duty? Why is it my duty? Just because I’m older?”
“Yes, just like Shiloh was sent to Bullstow because he was the firstborn son, whether he wanted to go or not. Do you think Pax should have taken his place just because Shiloh might not have wanted such a life?”
“All men want to be senators, even the workborn,” Lila said, pausing in her pacing, annoyed that Jewel had brought up their brothers.
“All men?”
“Yes. Few are lucky enough to be the firstborn sons of a highborn family. They have the chance to become the most powerful men in all of Saxony.”
“Not all men want such a life, just like not all women want to be heirs to a family. Ms. Wilson didn’t. You didn’t.”
“It’s not the same thing.”
“It’s not? Pax has never had designs for such a future, and you know it.”
Lila leaned against the window. “This conversation is between you and me. Don’t bring them into this.”
“Why not?” Jewel said, standing up. She stepped closer, and her eyes darted to her closed bedroom door and the door beyond it. “Would you have sent Pax to Bullstow in Shiloh’s place?” she asked quietly. “Even now, even knowing that he would fail, knowing that he would be miserable? For gods’ sake, you would have stood by while Pax was forced to lie with women just so Shiloh could—”
“No one forces the men of Bullstow to do anything,” Lila whispered, also casting a glance at the bedroom door. “There are plenty of things they can choose beside politics. The ones like Pax have children among the highborn anyway, at least until they find lovers or husbands. Others spend their days as educators or lawyers, happily coupled with one another from the start. They tend to the sons of Bullstow while their brothers dabble in politics. It’s actually the best place for boys like—”
“You don’t know that!”
“Actually, I do. I based my career on seeking out information and protecting it, a career you’ve tossed into the flames. Who shushed up your first year at Bokington before the papers caught wind? I haven’t spent my adult years painting pictures and plucking fruit from High House. Some of us—”
“You shut your mouth right now,” Jewel shouted, stabbing her finger at Lila’s chest. “It is because I’ve done what I’ve done that you had the opportunity to become the chief of security, so don’t you dare pretend that you’re better than me now. I might have had my fun, but you’re not the only one who has worked.” Jewel’s pupils shrank to pinpricks as she stepped into the light. “Grow up, Lila, and take your turn for the family.”
Lila studied the woman before her, a woman who shrank a bit under her scrutiny.
“I think you just grew teeth, Jewel. Perhaps you aren’t so hopeless after all.”
Jewel took her finger back, surprised and disgusted by her own violence, then plopped down on the couch in exhaustion. “I’m sorry. I’m just so tired.”
“Obviously. You were raised to think more intelligently about these things. Marriage, Jewel? Humans weren’t made for one partner. You’ll end up miserable. Go talk to Commander Sutton if you don’t—”