He looked at me like I was an alien but the mood lightened. That was the only conversation during dinner.
We watched the baseball game and we didn’t talk. When I was finished my dinner I grabbed his plate, which was on the bed between us, and took both plates to the kitchen, rinsed them, and then put them in the dishwasher and put the containers of Chinese food that were sitting on the counter into the fridge. When I came back in he was laying down watching the game, his hands behind his head. His eyes moved to me briefly and he had his jaw clenched. I looked to the floor as I made my way the rest of the way to the bed. After climbing on I put my head on his pelvis. He started to play with my hair. I looked up at him. He had a sad look on his face. His eyes met mine and he gave my neck a little squeeze and then his hand rested on my back. His eyes went back to the screen. I turned over to see the TV, keeping my head on him.
When the game was over I got up and went into the bathroom to wash my face and brush my teeth and when I returned he was sitting up, the TV off. He was obviously waiting for me. I’d thought I’d gotten off easy. Guess not.
I climbed into bed beside him and laid on the pillow, looking at him.
“Talk to me,” he said. His expression was such that I knew this wasn’t optional.
I rose to sitting and crossed my legs and put my hands in my lap. I took a big breath, “The gift bag triggered an anxiety attack. I’m sorry. It looked just like a bag that had the engagement ring in it when I was proposed to and I told you that my declining the proposal had a pretty big impact on my life and I… I just lost it.” In truth I was surprised I’d even been able to tell him about the proposal earlier that day. When it came out without a panic attack I thought maybe I’d stepped over some hurdle but clearly at the sight of that gift bag I was wrong. Way wrong.
He ran his fingers through his hair, “You have anxiety attacks before Kruna?”
I shook my head, “No.”
He nodded slowly, eyes looking somewhat far away, then he said, “I’m gonna arrange for counseling. I’ll make calls tomorrow.”
I nodded and looked down at my hands in my lap, “Yes, Dare.”
“Don’t,” he snapped.
I looked up at him. He looked furious. Not just pissed off, actually furious.
I was taken aback, “Sorry?”
“Don’t talk to me like I’m your slaver. It’s hot when you do that when we’re having sex but otherwise, when serious shit is being discussed, you don’t fucking do it. You got me?”
I nodded.
“I’m gonna go to the den and do some work.” He got up.
“Dare,” I said softly, my voice showing my pain.
He looked down at me.
“Thank you for saving me.”
The hardness in his eyes evaporated. He got back in the bed and pulled me tight against him and I started to cry into his chest. He stroked my back and kissed my head and then finally said, his voice sounding a little choked, “You’re welcome, Angel. You’re very very welcome.”
No doubts in my rattled brain, I was in love with this man. There was not a single doubt about it. My Master, my Dario. My C, my D. My all-the-way-to Z. My chest was filled with so much hope it was almost like a living and breathing thing inside me.
After a few minutes I looked to his face and he kissed my forehead.
“Sorry; you can go get work done. I’ll go to sleep now.”
He tucked my hair behind my ear and kissed me again, “It’s gonna be okay, baby. I promise you it is.”
I nodded, “I know.” And I did know. He was gonna make it okay.
“I’ll stay ‘till you fall asleep.”
God he was sweet.
** ** **
I jolted and gasped as I felt him leave.
“I’m just next door if you need me. I won’t be long,” he whispered and kissed me softly on the lips and then he was gone.