ed if she wanted to talk and she didn’t. She went back to bed. I checked on her a few times and she was either sleeping or looking out the window. I think she needs Dario. How is everything?”
I shrugged, “We probably won’t get out of this association any time soon, unfortunately. It’s gonna take time. We have to play their game for now. We might have to go to Thailand in another couple weeks for their partner summit. I don’t know yet.”
She made a face, “God, no.”
I shook my head, “Baby, let’s save this until we know what’s what.”
“If you think I’m going to be okay with you going to a sex slave resort…”
“Baby. Seriously. Not now. I’m fucking tired. Let’s go back to the house. I need to sleep.”
She folded her arms across her chest. Great. More fucking attitude.
We got back to the house. The place was quiet. Sarah was in the yard with Luc and Tess and the kids and I didn’t see Lisa or Oliver. I grabbed Tia’s hand and pulled her up to the bedroom we were staying in.
I slammed the door, locked it and stalked her as she backed up, looking a little freaked out.
“So, we’re doing this now, are we?” she folded her arms across her chest and tried to look tough.
“I am not fucking happy about what you said to Lisa,” I said. Tia and I needed to iron shit out.
“I know. But it needed to be said.”
“That’s not an apology, Athena.”
“No. It’s not. It’s all out in the open now and we can all move on. You’ve been beating yourself up for this. Part of moving on, I think, is talking things out with those who were involved and impacted by what happened. You’re getting therapy. Lisa’s getting therapy. Your sisters don’t understand the full scope of what Lisa has been through so they need her truth, too. That’s next, I think.”
“Hey! You don’t fucking decide that shit.”
“I know. But that’s what I think.”
“Fuck.”
“I have a right to voice my opinion so that’s what I’m doing.”
“Yeah, well you already made a decision that wasn’t yours to make by telling Lisa about Pop so don’t you fucking dare cross that line by telling Lisa’s secret.”
“I wouldn’t do that.”
“But yet you did it to me…”
“You’re my husband. It’s our story, not just yours. I was there. I had your father’s gun to my temple. I saw him point his gun at you, too and I’ve watched you torment yourself every single day since. It’s our story, not just yours.” She had tears in her eyes.
I shook my head and ran my hands through my hair.
“I need to do something, Tommy. I need to help us move on. We can’t stay in this trap where you are angry at yourself and what happened and where you stop me from living because you’re afraid of more blowback.”
“You not happy with me.” I felt my gut twist.
“It’s not that.”
I felt sick. I sat on the floor in front of the door and leaned back against it. I pulled a knee up and let out a long breath.
“You could’ve had me from the start, you know? I would’ve been yours from the minute you tied that cherry stem into a knot. You could’ve had me and played your cards in such a way that you’d never have had to hurt me, you’d never have lost me. But you didn’t wanna court me. No, you had to claim me. I’m yours anyway, it was just a lot more painful and traumatizing of a journey this way. I know that this is who you are. And I love you. I don’t want anyone but you, all of your many layers and flavors. But I don’t want to keep living like this. I don’t want to live in fear,” her voice cracked and she whispered, “Fear of you strangling me in your sleep. Fear that I’ll have to watch you wake from nightmares every night because this is eating you up inside. Fear that I’ll have no choice but to run away from you if I want a normal life. Fear that I’ll never ever leave because I can’t imagine living without you so instead I’ll doom myself to being cooped up walking on eggshells because you’re in so much pain and won’t do anything about it.”
“I’m doing therapy, Tia. I’m trying, god damnit.”
“And I don’t want you to stop trying. You’re barely trying, though, honey. I know you hate the therapy. You do one hour a week because that’s the minimum you can get away with. But I don’t think it’s enough. Oliver is here now. Spend more time with him. Don’t just give up and let the pain eat you up until you’re a shell of a man.”